Currently speaking to wrathie now. He's currently going through some stress.

Poor guy....But he's too obsessed with anime. When i said 'obsessed', I mean....REALLY REALLY OBSESSED with it.

I sometimes look at my computer screen and realise that "Heck. This guy just chats with me and that's it. I'm not really appreciated." And then i get all upset and stuff.

I'm not appreciated.

I feel that...though i tell him that i'm worried for his studies...(as a friend) he doesn't seem to give a damn. To make it worse he told me that I'm pushing his limits.

Like the heck?

Here I am...trying to cheer him up and make him freakin work harder for god's sake. Then he makes it seem like i'm doing something stupid. Everytime i speak to him, i feel like i'm straining myself to stay happy in front of someone who always seems to be annoyed with me.

What the hell am I actually doing?

I feel so crappy now. Probably, he would think i have some kind of emotional issue. The thing is...recently i've been straining myself so much, i think i might break. I've been trying to make everybody happy that i've not realised that I, myself is breaking under the pressure.

I only smile to show others I'm supposed to be happy.

But hey, I'm human too...Does it hurt that much to try to make me feel better sometimes? Does it hurt to just show that you care? I'm already way past the period where we always say "why am I always the one who does the effort? why can't others try as well?". I know it takes two hands to clap. If i don't try, who would give a damn to try?

I just wanna bend down, curl into a ball and cry my eyes out.

*cries*

I've tried. I keep on trying.

But somehow, I'm the only one left alone in the end. Sure, others are happy...but i keep on straining myself. I kept believing that one day, someone would understand that there was a little girl who was watching from the side. She was watching them laugh, play and have fun. She contributed her share of happiness....but because of that, she keeps straining herself to smile in front of others.

Do they know she's tired? Do they even give a damn about her in the first place...?

Why did she exist? At first, I thought that i existed to "make a difference in other people's lives". That's why...I always wanted the people around me to be happy.

Yet now, I'm just tired. I can't go on...I really can't.

I need someone to lean on. Yet i don't dare to bother anybody...

I used to be really much more sad than this. But a lot of people pulled me up and ran with me.

They told me, "Don't stop running...or you'll fall again."

I've tried my best to run. Yet i've slowed down and stopped. I need someone to pull me along once again. Yet this time....where is everybody....?

I still remember....one of the NAFA test....Ning was the one who pushed me a little from behind. She didn't care about her timing. She kept saying, "Come on! You can do it! The ending is right in fron already!" I wanted for her to leave me there and go....but she didn't. In the end, we really made it.

I remember how grateful i was to her. I remember how much i wanted to cry while looking at her.

Then we laughed. We simply stood down there, bending over and laughing.

Some little things....meant a lot to people even though they don't seem like it. The things you do...would eventually change someone's life. They would learn a lot from you.

The little girl still stands there till now.
Although nobody has shown her appreciation recently, she doesn't mind.
She wipes away her tears and bravely looks forward to the future.
She knows, that in the near future, someone would finally turn back and look at her.

Somehow...one day...
She knows that her dreams would come true.
When i asked her, "Don't you feel lonely?"
She smiled and replied. "Sometimes...But i know that they somehow care. Though i may crumble from the pressure sometimes, I can pick myself up soon."
Puzzled, I asked her why.
That was when she gave me the most important answer.

"Because sometimes, I feel like the happiest girl in the world."