My mum just banned me from playing on the weekdays. I don't know how long it is going to last.

I know it's funny. I sound like I'm writing some sort of final message.

Now she's asking me to go to bed. *looks at the time*

It's 9.23pm.

.....

I don't know.

I have had enough of crying.

These few days I simply keep on crying. Like I'm trying to wash my face with my tears.

Guess what? Maybe i'm already dead.

Frank apologized like mad alrdy. I wasn't angry anymore. But when I spoke to him, it felt like he was some kind of stranger whom I'm acquaintences with.

No more friends. I'm numb.

I dunno if my cousin is reading this...but hell. I'm tired...Been running after him and another couz for god-knows-how long. I've tried so hard. Just to be as good as him. Just to want him to notice me.

He never did.

Plus, he seems to like using this face at me: =.=

Nowadays, I have less dreams about Sasuke...or Hinata and Neji.

Instead, I always have nightmares.

I can't remember what they are, but i remember feeling so uneasy and scared.

My fingers are always frozen nowadays. My hand is cold to the touch.

I'm gonna be working myself till I die. There won't be a way out.

Here I am...thinking. "Crap. Am I gonna die like this?"

The answer is: Hell no. I'll most probably die on my way to school. I'll be walking and I'll suddenly faint from fatigue. Then they'll realise the hell they've put me through. Heck, maybe they won't even notice that I'm gone.

I know that Ning's worried.

I dreamt of Sky that day. I remember crying in her arms. She felt like an older sister and I'm just the brat who would whine and cry.

Still...everytime I remember how she cared, I'll get upset.

So now even Sky's worried.

At this rate, I'll most probably join Sasuke faster than you can say, "Where in the world did shang go?"

Nobody really cares at school.

Even if they did, they can't help me.

It's like...watching someone drown and being unable to help, even if you wanted to.

Nightmares...every. single. night.

Maybe I was watching the same scene over and over again.

Then I would wake up thinking: "Oh my god. What time izzit? Am I late for school?"

Even on sundays that would happen.

Hell. I've been crapping so much, do you even know what I'm talking about?

I'm talking about this:

Monday- School, Choir (reach home: around 7pm)
Tuesday- School, Choir (reach home: around 5plus)
Wednesday- School, Piano (Free when: around 5 to 6plus)
Thursday- School, Choir (reach home: around 7pm)
Friday- School, Music elective program (after travelling far far away, I get to reach home at: 7plus)
Saturday- Maths tuition at 11pm

Okay. Writing it out was easy. Looking at it was more easy.

But living it?

Plus every night you have to rush assignments and stuff.

Can I safely say I'm overworked now?

Lack of sleep, lots of hw and tired from running around.

Who the hell actually HAS such a timetable?

Well...me, actually.

I never really complained OUT FRONT...cuz I felt that many sec 3 students are living the same hell.

But then I realized that it wasn't true...and ppl are having the sickening time of their lives...

I started to scream.

Yup. So loud.

I would curse and swear if I could, but that would simply make me a vulgar person.

Which isn't good.

Anyways. I better sleep now. My mum is being unreasonable.

Who cares? I'm going to die anyways.

My motto now is: KEEP WORKING HARD LIKE THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS PLAY. BE THE MOST HARDWOKING CRAP ANYBODY HAS EVER SEEN. (and die early plx.)

Like yay.

Nice motto.

Gdnite to all. I have officially died and gone mad in the same day.

Friday, January 26, 2007 I denied Sasuke's existence.