fallen angel........=The story of eternal love=

Wednesday, December 28, 2005 Band, hw, not being able to play com that much...

Today I went for band....it wasn't that bad. But I felt terrible.

I woke up and went to school...without breakfast. (as usual) When I got there, I felt so isolated from all my section members. Everyone seem to be doing their own stuff...and well...I didn't have any person to talk to or anything to do. Also, because I missed the previous few practices, I didn't have the new band T-shirt and waterbottle. I felt like an idiot who dropped into the wrong universe. That was really terrible. Then soon afterwards, we were supposed to fall in. Everything went okay until they wanted to do "formation-for-band-com". As if you have read, I MISSED the last few practices. Naturally, I didn't know how to do it...or even where I'm supposed to stand. Then I went to my SL and two other band leaders to ask what to do....one told me to ask my SL, the other told me to be a "shadow"(dunno wad it is) of my friend, while lastly, one told me to go to the 4th floor and join the AP cuz I have piano background.(you know...xylophones...marinebass...that kinda thing) So I went up. (well..it's not like I can say, "hell no." Anyways..I wanted to see how was it.) It turned out to be fun at first...and quite slack compared to the marching ppl...Until...I looked down at them. And I had this sickening feeling like I died(touch wood.*touches the table*) or sumthing..and was looking sadly at them. Then afterwards, I was reincarnated as a percussionist.(drum player) During lunch, I ate with my flute section...and it was quite nice. Then I played the flute a little while...and I liked the "crouching tiger hidden dragon" song thingy. I really loved the flute. Then........they must fall in again. So I went up.....and the senior in charge of AP told me next time after lunch straight away go up to the 4th floor and don't idle around.(she wasn't being mean. She was being a little strict. We all need discipline anyways.) I said okay. Then I returned to the room and continued practicing. Then we slack, slack, slack.....play piano...fool around...It was supposed to be fun. But I......didn't feel at home at all. Not like when I was with the flutes. *almost going to cry* Then....the most heartbreaking part was when the senior told me that I should eat with them during lunch...and not my section members. I almost felt myself die. I mean....it's bad enough that i'm seperated from them until band com is over...now I can't even eat with them?! but then she said not confirmed yet....maybe I still get the chance to sit with my section mates. I'm not blaming anybody though......It isn't anybody's fault...they were all very nice people. I'm the one who's having the problem. Then the end of the day came...and we had to fall out. I felt like I betrayed my section. I really can't tell them how much I enjoyed their company. In fact, I didn't know that until today. Then esther(primary school friend one) she smiled at me and that changed my thoughts suddenly...they don't see me as a betrayer...but I do.(even if it wasn't on purpose..)

I hate myself. I've been always so darn weak. As I stare at the com now, I realise something. It doesn't matter who I go with. The results are the only matter. If I can do well during the band com...then good for me. If not...then too bad. Still I won't cry. Nowadays i'm becoming more and more icy. All those cute stuff and happiness seem to be a thing of the past. So far in my sec school I've nvr cried before. Everything I felt hurt, I held back my tears and put on a cold icy, emotionless mask. That's why most of the boys in class think that i'm a cold, icy person.(girls think otherwise cuz I'm close with them.) I don't want to be like this. I hate this. It's not me. It was nvr me and nvr will be me. But why?? It's because I don't have anyone who can warm my heart again. There's nobody to protect me. Nobody to accompany me. Nobody beside me at all. I would like to say that my primary school friends fit the position perfectly...but they are all so far away... they call out to me and ask me to grab on to their hand. Yet I can't go. I'm being chained and it's so painful. Slowly...they move further and further away. I could see pearleen looking shocked. I could see joan crying. I could see danitza still trying the best she could. I could hear ning shouting out my name. I could see min helping danitza and telling me to run and keep up.

Maybe my soul is really gone. There's nobody called shang anymore. Just a ordinary girl...who has a dream of someone saving her.....who wishes for the impossible.....

Please hear me.
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Okay....*blows nose of tissue and takes another tissue to wipe away the tears* drama's over....just wanted to say that I am currently focusing on a ragnarok fanfic now...and one it's done..i'll post it on fanfiction.net and i'll tell u the address. Kay? See ya ppl.

# posted by FinalFantasyX at 4:36 AM

Saturday, December 24, 2005 Posting~ Posting~

I suddenly realise that I haven't been posting much. I probably got lazy...xD

Anyways.....I just realise that my brother is the world's biggest freakin liar. He always argues about reason but refuses to adhere to them when it's his turn. It's so darn irritating u know? >< I got angry at him the whole night. Yay. I'm like gonna kill him soon. KILL KILL KILL. *takes out evil voodoo doll thingy* I'm NEVER going to give way to him ever again. It's like the stupidest thing I have ever done.

More or less...my little couz likes me more. hurrah~ I must try harder... Still got another couz to win over too. I think I starting to like little kids again...I've gone from "I-like-little-kids" to "I-hate-little-brats-who-whine" and lastly, to "I-like-little-kids".

Yesterday we had a christmas party at my aunt's place. It was fantastic. But....there was something bothering me all night. Oh ya...guess wad I got for my christmas gift exchange? =D It was a "quite big" SOFT TOY BANANA!! Yeah...u've heard it...it's a BANANA. All yellow. All banana-ish. My couz got my present. (at that point I was quite happy. Cuz I think it kinda suited him. It was a mickey-minnie cup. They were sitting on the moon and it said "Make a wish upon a star" or "Wish upon the star" or sumthing like that. Cuz he likes disney characters..sorta..) Then...in the end he had to swap it with some other cousin of mine. It's okay though. I don't mind. =D Another cousin of mine got a glass slipper(to put handphone)...like...CINDERELLA...*eyes shine happily* It's so elegant..and glassy...and classy...and....*rants on and on*

Barbeque was fine...I didn't eat as much as I should but I did eat quite a few nice stuff..

Oh ya....if I haven't mention it...I have decided. I WANT A OLDER BROTHER. T.T haiz...maybe next time find a god brother or sumthing.......So sad leh...

Hm....maybe I should try gunz. Min's been playing it.. so maybe I go join her.

Hm....running outta things to say. Oh ya...Joan went to Korea....awww...*becomes a sad little fox with droopy ears* ;_; Will miss her. Hope she has fun there. That day when she saw me...she seemed so...uh....stunned? or sumthing..dunno. But she clearly missed me =D hahaha....at least we're still as gd friends as ever.

Okay...nothing to say liao....Merry christmas everybody~ Luv ya all!! and dun forget to tag okies? =D

# posted by FinalFantasyX at 6:33 AM

Sunday, December 11, 2005 Christmas story~ (sorta)

Hi ppl~

Cuz it's gonna be christmas soon...so i've decided to type a christmas story. Okay....it might sound stupid...but plz dun throw things at me~ *ducks and hide* Anyways...it's about friendship between people and stuff like that. It's about a few chapters long....and I promise this time i'll update on time. *nods nods*
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Chapter one: The day destiny brought us together

A giggling group of children run along the beautiful pavements in the peaceful and serene city, Heaven. Suddenly stopping, one of them whispered. "Hey look...it's the high summoner. Let's quickly pay our respects and go."

One by one, the children bowed to a young girl their age. Nobody was surprised however...as that girl was known to be the future saviour of their kind. With long blue hair and bright sparkling eyes, she was already very beautiful even for a child. However, her eyes were now dull and seemed to reflect a certain sadness in them. If only...someone could just stop running away from me and be my friend..... she thought sadly.

It was bright and sunny outside...but only she was feeling lonely.

Walking along the path, she spotted another girl her age nearby who was leaning against the wall. That girl had black hair....but as she was looking down, the blue haired high summoner couldn't see her eyes. Gathering up her courage, the girl walked up to the black haired person. "hi....." was all that she could mutter. Immediately, as though she was jerked upwards, the black haired girl looked up and stared at her. The high summoner nearly jumped backwards. The colour of her eyes...were red! It wouldn't have been so alarming if it wasn't for the fact that only dark angels have red eyes...and even more so that not all dark angels have it. Sakura....only royalty in the dark angels have red eyes....so if you see one, you must be weary of it. "No way..." The dark haired girl continued staring at her, as though still in shock. Until the girl asked timidly, "Hey...your eyes...they're...you...are from royalty...right?"

"Hmph." Was the reply she gave her. Then the dark haired girl shoved the high summoner aside before walking away...leaving the blue haired girl shocked and hurt inside. I was..only asking...she didn't have to shove me so hard right...? Tears began to fill her eyes. She did not even notice that it was starting to rain....

That was so mean.....
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Chapter two: A new guardian

"Mi'lady high summoner...i think i'll make some tea for you...(look at you...all soaked..) Or would you rather have hot chocolate?"

The blue haired girl hesistated. "Hot chocolate would be nice."

The housekeeper smiled and went to the kitchen to prepare the drink for her mistress. While the girl went to get her clothes changed. Suddenly, a crashing sound was heard outside. Rushing downstairs, the high summoner opened the front door.

"It's you.....what...what happened?" She gasped at the sight of the dark haired girl bleeding profusly in front of her. "Quick! Let me in!" She pleaded. The dark haired girl struggled to stand but fainted due to loss of too much blood.
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"urgh...." The black haired girl groaned and tried to sit up. "Hey....you're okay now...you gave me quite a scare just now though..." A voice beside her spoke soothingly. Why....am I here? argh....my head hurts...darn.... the dark haired girl stared at the bedsheets and looked around the room. Huh? her room? "why....did you save me just now?" She's bound to say something weird. "Because you needed help." Wha?? The girl smiled sweetly. "Anyways....my name's Sakura...what's yours?" "My name is..........sky." Sakura's eyes widened. "That's so cool~ I like your name. ^-^ " Sky smiled with relief. At least she doesn't hate me OR my name. That's good enough.

"wow....you look kinda cute when you smile...you know?" Sakura giggled. "I do not! ><" protested Sky. _______________________________________________________ Sakura: Mind telling me what happened just now? Sky: It was....nothing much. Sakura: ....................*takes out a knife* Sky: O.O holy..........not good.
*sakura looks at the knife...then looks at Sky...then smiles*
Sky: Is this...like her true nature? O.O
*then she starts peeling an apple wif the knife*
Sky: Swt.......
Sakura: Huh? you said sumthing?
Sky: uh......well...was saying...uh...sorry about just now...
Sakura: Oh. That. Sure...it's okay...no problem at all.
Sky: I meant the shoving.
Sakura: I know.
Sky: And the bleeding.
Sakura: I know. ^-^
Sky: And the weird moment where I thought u were going to stab me with the knife if I didn't tell you what happened. OMG. WRONG WRONG WRONG.
Sakura: O.O excuse me???? didn't hear your last sentence.
Sky: eh....nvm nvm....^-^"

*a few silent minutes later.....*

Sakura: KAY!
*sky almost leapt up in shock*
Sky: O.O huh? I nearly had a heart attack!!!
Sakura: I finally finished peeling the apple. Here ya go.
Sky: *takes the apple* Thx...
Sakura: Okay...mind telling me now?
Sky: Sure. As you know....I AM a dark angel. (who...by the way....is of royalty) But only half.
Sakura: Half?
Sky: As in...my dad is a dark angel prince.....where my mum was a white angel.
Sakura: OMG~~~~Really? That's so nice...
Sky: Not really.
Sakura: Nononono....I mean...they must have loved each other a lot....I mean..it's really hard to cross the dark angel-white angel barrier thing unless you really like the other person...
Sky: I guess so. Does that mean we can't be friends?
Sakura: Hehehe.....that means we'll be friends forever and ever!!
Sky: You're awfully cheerful.
Sakura: I have to be....*looks down sadly* Otherwise ppl wil become distraught. More or less...
Sky: You have as much pain as I do....
Sakura: I don't think it's really called pain. hahaha..
*sky goes all silent*
Sky: .........I was injured because they wanted to bring me back to the castle.
Sakura: Huh?
Sky: Both of my parents died last year. I've been running away ever since. Those people injured me to bring me back to the castle.
Sakura: Then....are you lonely?
*sky's eyes widened at that thought*
Sky: I....... Lonely..? Am....i lonely?
Sakura: It's okay. I'll be your friend.
Sky: You will?
*sakura uses her pinky finger(last finger) to hook onto sky's pinky finger*
Sakura: See? It's a promise. ^-^
Sky: a.....promise.
Sakura: oh ya.... would you like to be my guardian?
Sky: What's that?
Sakura: A friend by my side who protects me and stay by me....until the end.
Sky:.....until...the end?
Sakura: Oh! Dun worry bout that...nothing much.
Sky: She's...hiding something from me. hm.......okay.
Sakura: yay~! I'll let you sleep already then.
*Sakura exits the room*
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Sky looked up at the stars from the room. She pauses for a brief moment and held her hand close to her.... A promise.....it's been so long since I heard that... Tears rolled down her cheeks... You would never imagine what you have just done.....by just making a promise...

You have changed my life forever.
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Okies~ Chapter one and two done! Will update soon! Merry christmas everybody!

PS: Sky's eyes are not COMPLETELY red. only the middle part is red. (like all those anime ppl....so kawaii even with red eyes. =D )

# posted by FinalFantasyX at 1:45 AM

Saturday, December 03, 2005 Awaken the power. Unleash your anger.

I couldn't sleep last night.

Didn't know what was bothering me or anything. I just couldn't sleep. And then...the night seemed so still... It was as if there was no time, no people, no wind, no birds....no nothing. Time stood so still.......

I thought if....there was really someone out there......was that person alone? was the night so cold and bitter to that person as it is to me? My heart seems to bleed a lot recently....(as in literally) and it really hurts. I want to escape. I want to run. But i'm chained. I want to fly away...but I have no wings. I wanted to cry....but I couldn't find the tears.

So there I sat.....emotionless.

I found out recently that one guy in my class said that I am "someone who tries very hard to hide who I truely am". I don't know who said it. But I think he knows me very well. At least...should be. Because...in order to say such things about me, you really have to understand me first. The thing is.....who or what am i? Sometimes I don't feel completely human.

Something is wrong.

I had a dream of sumone. It was the closest I got to seeing that person's face. There was a bridge...and that person jumped off it. But he landed safely onto the ground and I didn't seem very surprised. Then I went over and we started walking together. When I asked what was his name, he seemed kind of awkward and then he blushed. Just when I almost found out....I was woken up by my brother and cousin. They complained that I slept too much. I almost almost found out!!!!! (Darn it.) The part which I hate most is that I can't remember his face either when I woke up. GREAT. No face, no name. >.>"

I think I gonna write a fanfiction story in fanfiction.net. Have to sign up first though...I like writing. I like singing. I like............kitties. You know why?

I think I can communicate with them. (shhhhhhhhh~)

Well...not really. It's just that once a cat was near our car in the carpark at my grandmother's HDB flat. I "meowed/mewed" to it, and it immediately picked up it's ears and tried to hear the sound again while trying to find another cat around. I did it 3 more times before it realised that I was the one who was mewing. It stared at me for a long long long long time. We stared at each other for quite some time...and I was quite sure that cat was trying to tell me something. I didn't understand in the end though. It's really sad. Humans can't do anything without technology....can they? Imagine one day aliens come to our planet and we can't speak to them cuz of LANGUAGE DIFFERENCES. wow. that would be really stupid. (more of sad....really.)

Okay...I have to go now...gonna change my bloggie skin and sign up for fanficiton.net soon.

See ya~

# posted by FinalFantasyX at 6:50 AM