Haha...i changed the song. It sounds kinda inspirational.
Anyways...sorry bout the recent outbreaks. Maybe i should just put everything behind me. I feel...that i've been sulking too long. Haha...
Anyways~ This is the sweet week~ Cuz i promised someone that i would be nice and sweet for the whole of this week. If i can help it...i would want to be sweet forever. xD
Seriously...i love this song.
Well...i've decided. Things can't go back to what they were. But hey...I guess i can look forward to the future.
"The past may be beautiful...but the future would be as beautiful as you make it to be."
Wow. Where did THAT come from? Haha...
I can't help but smile.
I just realised today...Gemini lol...i'm a gemini. Probably that explains why i have Sakura and Freya with me. I know...many things can't be the way they are if they aren't with me. *hugz them spiritually* I realli love you two. Some people may say i'm crazy for hugging and sharing thoughts with people who don't really exist materialistically...but still...We've come so far. Ever since i saw Sakura standing there...ever since i discovered Freya's presence...
We've been best friends.
*tears in eyes* I can't believe i'm saying this...but i realli appreciate you two. It's like you're a part of me...It's like i can't survive with you two. But still...I know. The day would come when i must finally say goodbye to you two. But i would want you two to know...that you guys have been special to me. And..I'm glad. Glad that you came into my life. I wouldn't survive if it wasn't for you two. It doesn't matter if people say i'm more evil than before....it doesn't matter if people say that i'm not as sweet as that girl or who-so-ever. Only you two matter...only you two have been protecting me after all my friends were seperated from me.
So please. Don't go. Don't fade away.
Anyways...you guys wanna know how i found Sakura and Freya? Well...for sakura...i found her in primary school. I was going down the stairs in my school when i saw her standing in a classroom which was all dark and stuff. Light was shining onto her and she was looking up at the sky...then she turned and fixed a soft gaze on me. She looked like she was lost and going to cry. I kept my eyes on her...all the way. Then afterwards...i've been seeing her often. Then finally one day, i accepted her into my consciousness...and Sakura became part of me. That's all lol. And she's not a ghost alright...>.>"
She was an angel. *nods*
As for Freya...she just woke up one day and started being cranky. We knew that she was kinda evil...but Sakura and i believed that she had kindness in her as well. That's why she's part of us too now.
So Freya was a dark angel.
Alright! Enough of stuff like them. I wanna go get on writing a fanfic for Hinata and Neji. I kinda had the inspiration lol. Go me!
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Before i forget...here's the lyrics for the song in my blog. I luv it!
"Because you live" by Jesse Mccartney
Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it through every storm
What is life, what's the use if you're killed inside
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl[You live]
My world[my world] has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live
Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world[my world] has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl[Cuz you live]
My world[my world] has everything I need to survive
Because you live... I live I live...
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Oh yea! Nice song~
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Stop appearing. Just go away.
I had a weird dream last night. I don't know what to make of it...I realli don't.
Why was i so worked up for? Why was he angry? I didn't understand...
I don't want to see them. I don't want to remember. I remembered screaming. I remembered that he was angry. Why were you angry? Did i hurt you? Stop...everything's so confusing.
When i woke up, i wasn't crying. But something inside me felt like it was going to burst and die.
Did i really care about that person so much? I don't think so.
Then why did you have that dream?How the heck should i know? It wasn't like i asked for it. It was so painful. So terrifying.
Whatever. I don't wanna bother anymore. My head will continue to hurt like this.
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Don't fall. Don't go.Yea right. As if some other ppl listened. I keep trying to tell them to stay ALIVE.
But what's the use? Their hearts die in the end.
In the end...so do i. I simply just...fade away.
Don't cry. Stay strong.Those were the magic words. We repeat it to ourselves over and over again. But you know? The magic never worked. We were just lying to ourselves.
It's okay to cry. It's okay to run away. It's okay to give up in your hopes and beliefs.
Why? Because they were never there to begin with.
I don't wanna be so sour and depressing. Yet my whole body is moving on its on. The things i type out...the feelings i have. Everything might be so real.
I always imagined that i could save people. I always thought that i could help. Even in the slightest way.
But you did...In the end...it was as if i had to watch as they sink. Deeper and deeper into their own darkness.
Prince? Yea right. I only say so cuz i wanted someone to save me from the darkness inside of me. But now i feel...something's changed about myself. Maybe it's too late. Maybe i was a lie. I was actually put there to make myself look silly so that some other ppl can look at me and laugh about it.
When will you come?Yes. That's what i keep repeating and wishing. Nobody came.
What do you wish for?Wish...? Maybe....I just wanted for everything to be perfect again. I wanted my cousins back. I wanted my friends to go out and play basketball with me. We talk, we laugh, we cry. I wanted people to stop treating me like i'm just there to let them vent their anger on. I wanted people to stop leaving me.
Yet...No matter how much i begged. No matter how much I cried. Time takes away all.
So...go on. Leave with your gf. Leave with your new friends. Don't ever give me crappy excuses that you have a lot of work to do when you're actually trying to woo some girl out there. Stop giving me that kind of look. Stop telling me your new friends are crazy when you actually enjoy them more than the old ones. If you can't even spare some time to play with me...
what kind of cousin exactly are you? If you can't even care about the person who is suffering...
what kind of friend are you?(Yes i know. The previous paragraph does not make any sense. I was aiming it randomly. Even at myself too.)
No matter what kind it is....I'm sick and tired of excuses.
Go on. Sink into your own darkness. I'll probably join you pretty soon.
I feel so bitter. I hate myself. I hate the world. I'm so self centered. But so is the world.
Enough...of it all.
I should have known. I should have guessed. Nobody is going to come and save me in the end. Will i die? I don't know. I feel that i'm the only one who can save myself from the darkness. Yet...
I still prayed. I still hoped. That...someday someone would hold my hand. That person would tell me it's going to be alright. That person would understand.
Maybe that person...
Would be...
me.
Friday, July 21, 2006
I owe you too much. Even if you don't know.
My mind is in a whirl now. So dizzy and tired...i suspect i worked myself to the bone.
I dunno. I feel like i'm lacking something.
I cried in the shower today...was hoping that i could scream...but instead i cried like a little girl. Darn it. I hate the world.
I've sunk into the final straw of depression. I'm going to disappear.
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The girl sat by the river. Her hand was feeling the cooling and calm water slowly...
Smiling, she felt at ease and one with nature. Today, she had snuck out and ran to the river. Being someone of high ranking is hard for her. She was not allowed to go anywhere and was always attending those formal rituals. She was special.
Slowly, her finger twirled around in the water. She was like a painting...like an angel who was decended from above. Deciding that the water was not too cold, she walked into the clear river without even taking off any of her clothing. It was okay to her as she did not mind making her clothing wet. After all, when would a chance like this come again? Lying down to float on the water, she stared up at the beautiful blue sky. How she wished she could be free like this every single day of her life. Yet, it was an impossible dream. She knew it as well.
"Still...i can't help but wish." She spoke softly.
Without warning, there was a sudden rush of movement from the trees nearby. Stunned, the girl took a few seconds to react before standing up and grabbing her staff. She would never go back. There's too much hurting her in that horrid place.
"Come. If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you get." She stood defiantly, thinking that it was her father's servants who had come for her.
Slowly, three guys and a girl came out into the opening. The girl had pink shoulder length hair and was screaming at one of the guys who had yellow hair. The other two, who had silver and dark blue hair each, were simply looking embarassed by the two in the front. Apparently, nobody noticed the girl in the river yet.
"ARGH. LOOK WHERE YOU'VE GOT US! SO MUCH FOR A SHORTCUT!" Her face was murderous as she prepared to hit the guy hard.
"I'm sorry! I didn't know it was changed...My bad." The yellow haired boy cowered in fear.
While the two were quarreling, the ones at the back noticed the girl standing in the water. The way she looked at them...it was as if she was bird in a locked cage, wanting to fly away into the open skies. The dark blue haired boy who looked closer to her age, blushed a little and walked forward to hold out a hand.
"Um...are you okay? Do you need help?" he asked gently.
The girl's eyes widened. This is it. It was exactly like her dream...it was him who would save her. He was the one who would bring her away from all the pain she is experiencing right now. With tears in her eyes, she ran forward and held him tightly.
"Woah!" The boy exclaimed. "Don't go. Don't leave me at that horrible place. Please...bring me away with you. I would do anything...I promise!" She pleaded as she continued to cry.
By now, everybody had noticed what was going on. The pink haired girl frowned in annoyance.
"Sasuke...do you know her?" She asked.
The dark blue haired boy replied, "No...but she..." He looked worriedly at the crying girl in his arms. "Well...we can't leave her like this...can we?" the silver haired person rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. He patted her on the back.
"Hey."
Looking up, the girl came face to face with him. "I'm sorry...but could you let go of my apprentice? I think you might be suffocating him." Pointing to Sasuke, he smiled warmly. Alarmed by her actions, the girl let go and wiped away her tears. "I apologize for being so...impulsive. It was really rude of me." She bowed her head a little towards them. Smiling, the silver haired person started introducing the group.
"This person here is Naruto..." Pointing to the yellow haired boy. "Sakura..." Then the girl. "Sasuke..." Nodding towards the dark blue haired boy. "And lastly, my name is Kakashi. I'm more of their mentor. What is your name?"
"Sakura..." She nodded shyly. "Ooh. Same name as you, sakura chan." Naruto grinned. Kakashi was stunned. Apparently...there were MANY differences between the two Sakuras. Needless to say...the blue haired one was more gentle...more like a lady. Yet the pink haired one has lots of good points too.
Then they started to converse and find out more about each other. The blue haired Sakura was a princess and a summoner. Her father was using her for his own selfish reasons, therefore she ran away from the castle.
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Okay. Dun feel like writing already. This just swam into my head lol. It isn't anything nice. Neither is it a real story. Do not think much of it.
I need a new blogskin.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Back and in motion~
Whew. Finally back after so long. The reason being that i had this school musical to help out with recently...Sooo tired after each day. It's been such a long week.
Monday: 9am to 10.40pm (time taken to rehearse) we must reach school at usual school time.
Tuesday: 9am to 10.40pm (time taken to rehearse) we can reach school at 9am. But we were running a little late on this day and only went home about 11plus in the night.
Wednesday: 8am to 11.40pm (the big day) We were running everywhere...up and down the stairs non-stop. Some exercise that was...>.>
Happy thing is...i spoke english to all those ppl for three days non-stop. Yay~ Can improve a little on my english skills.
Oh yea...you know the victoria theatre thingy? Well...that's where we went to perform. And...our dressing room was on the TOP floor. (see what i meant when i said exercise? Damn those stairs. Plus there was some major disorganisation and we kept being sent up or down.) I was in soprano...so my dressing room was all the way at the end of the corridor. Thus...it was spooky.
End of corridor = Spooky (get it? If you don't, just imagine some kind of horror movie where the end of the corridor is always a bad thing.)
Then...there was THE spiral staircase. We were told not to go there and only the adults can use it. I finally realised why... Well...the thing is...there was a Joss stick (for praying the dead) and an empty frame with no picture on the staircase. Not to mention "cake" offerings too. I didn't really see it...but there were girls who saw the thing and immediately freaked out. LIKE GEEZ! WHY WAS OUR DRESSING ROOM RIGHT NEXT TO IT?! Not to mention directly opposite the spiral staircase thingy...there was this "black hole" which seemed like it's been made by some kind of GIANT animal of some sort. Scary place.
Anyways...now i'm in the com lab and can't write too much. So sad. Today still got choir...i'm pretty sure that they want my life. THE HORROR. I can't take much more of NOT RELAXING.
Bite you. *Bites on someone*
ARGH. Humans don't taste nice.
Okay. I've gone insane. I better go. See ya...
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Don't make me set the french loaf on you.
Oh yea...Now in school, using the com lab's computer to type my bloggie~ IT lesson is kinda boring and hard...but i guess i have the knack for it.
After spending some time to research who is the mysterious tagger, I've found OUT who the person was. Awww...so grateful lol... If you see this you would know i'm referring to you. Kekeke...however, let's keep the other readers in suspense shall we?
Alright...here's another list as promised.
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Best Loved Couples by me: (once again, not according to ranking)
1. Tidus and Yuna (from final fantasy X and X-2)
2. Cloud and Aerith (from final fantasy 7)
3. Squall and Rinoa (from final fantasy 8)
4. Sasuke and Sakura (=X well...i don't really like sakura..but she's quite matching with Sasuke. They're from Naruto)
5. Ami and Tamon (from some kind of manga)
6. Himiko and Ban Mido (from Get Backers)
7. Shuyin and Lenne (from Final Fantasy X-2)
8. Hikaru and Manzairaku (From Otogi Zoshi the Legend of Magatama)
9. Mariah and Ray (from beyblade)
10. Reina and Haku (my creations)
11. Sakura and Kail (Yes! Me Me Me!!)
12. Sora and Kairi (from Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom hearts 2)
13. Hinata and Naruto (from Naruto)
14. Sakura and Syaoran (from CCS and Tsubasa Chronicles of the Wings)
15. Eriol and Tomoyo (from CCS)
16. Aya and Touya (from Ayashi No Ceres)
17. Ceres and Mikage (from Ayashi No Ceres)
18. Tamahome and Miaka (from Fushugi Yuugi)
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That's all for now~ See ya guys later when i'm at home.
Today's a wednesday~
Currently looking for a song to put in my blog...been watching Tidus and Yuna videos on YouTube....(is that the thing? o.o sry..I kinda forgot)
Today the english teacher mistreat us. Her attitude is so sickening disgusting. I shall not scold vulgarities at her though. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. She treated our whole class like thrash. That kind of crappy teacher should just go to hell. GO THERE RIGHT NOW YOU...YOU MEAN PERSON THINGY!!!
We sincerely...and really...
DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU.
Oh yea~ I shall not say what she did to us though...Cuz i'm lazy to type out everything. So just use your imagination in the worst possible way.
RAWR. Never mess with the summoner.
Yay~ Tomorrow we have PE. Run run run~ I love running insanely.
Oh yea...i'm gonna make HER life hell. She's sooooo gonna cry and run out of the classroom when i'm done with her.
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Reasons why i would do something so useless and mean:
1.That'll teach you to treat our class like thrash.
2.That'll teach you to make my best friend feel bad.
3.That'll show you that you have no life if you become a teacher and treat us that way.
4.FOR GOD'S SAKE. You're a trainee. I FEEL DISGUSTED AT TRAINEE TEACHERS. Why? Because they can't AND don't teach as good as a real teacher.
5.Cuz i hate you. Very much as well.
6.You need a life.
7.Once again...I hate you.
8.You'll need to cry once in your life. Therefore, i'll be the one who breaks down that barrier of yours and STAB YOU with a long sharp "PLEASE-CRY-TILL-YOU-DIE" spear. (to make you cry)
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List of men I admire and like: (not according to ranking)(actually...i just think that they look good. Not only that...they're appealing in a way...)
1. Kail (My creation)
2. Zeo Zagart (actually it's Leon..cuz his older brother died and he was replacing his older brother. That's why he's called Zeo when he's actually Leon.) (from Beyblade)
3. Ray Kon (Rei Kon) (from Beyblade)
4. Tamon (some manga)
5. Tidus (from FFX, main character)
6. Shuyin (from FFX-2)
7. Li Syaoran (from CCS and Tsubasa chronicles of the wings)
8. Kai Hiwatari (from beyblade)
9. Sasuke Uchiha (From naruto)
10. Asakura Hao (Shaman King, Yoh's older brother and the bad guy in the story)
11. Asakura Yoh (Shaman King, the main character)
12. Itachii Uchiha (Naruto, Sasuke's elder brother)
13. Dark (D.N.Angel, known as the phantom theif)
14. Daisuke Niwa (D.N.Angel, the main character)
15. Cloud Strife (from FF7)
16. Squall Leonhart (from FF8)
17. Zidane (from FF9)
18. Yuki Souma (from fruits basket)
19. Kazuki Fuchion (from Get backers)
20. Ban Mido (from Get backers)
21. Roxas (from Kingdom hearts 2) (YAY I LOVE HIM!!! ROXAS!!!! *screams*)
22. Sora (from kingdom hearts and Kingdom hearts 2)
23. Riku (from kingdom hearts and kingdom hearts 2)
24. Gaara of the sand (from Naruto)
25. Manzairaku (from Otogi Zoshi The Legend of Magatama)
26. Touya (from Ayashi No Ceres)
27. Tamahome (from Fushugi Yuugi)
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Okies..that's all i can think of today... Well...i'm short on time...so i can't add another list. The next list i would be adding is "Best loved couples by me". =DDD looking forward to it~
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Shh. Don't tell anybody.
Oh...just read the taggy boardy. Well Geel...It's better to not know what ppl say...what matters is what you think about yourself. Hearing those stuff would only hurt someone's confidence. Therefore...i'm not gonna say. =X It wasn't anything serious anyways.
I don't wanna see you get hurt from those insignificant words. *hugz for all readers*
Alright~ Time to blog. Today...was a somehow long day...I went to Hwee Tian's house.
Darn. It was soooo cool~! All big and amazing and stuff...kinda like a chalet. i still prefer my home though. =X It feels more like home. I like my soft toys...i like my com...I like my blankie...wait. Did i just say that out loud? O.O
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~ MY WEAKNESS. Swear you nvr heard that. RAWR. Or i'll eat you.
Ahem...anyways...with that aside...Today was quite an interesting day. I played with the magic ball thingy at Hwee Tian's house...and asked something realli stupid lol. My question was "Is the person who is important to me appearing soon?" and the ball thingy said yes. Omgawd. I tried it like...three to four times. IT KEPT SAYING YES. Is this a sign from someone up there? =D
That's so cool.
Oh yea. Weird dreams yesterday again. One of them is this:
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*It's a scene outside a Rome battlearea thingy. On the steps of the stairs which overlooked the city. Two people were there. One was standing and one was sitting.*
*I walked closer to see who are they. Then...I got a shock.*
*The shadowed faces had light shone onto them...and it was Tidus and Yuna.*
Tidus: It's...so late already.
Yuna: Yea.
Tidus: I've...got to go.
*Yuna looks up at him, seemingly horrified. Then her eyes became deep in thought once more and she looked down.*
Yuna: Do you...really have to go?
Tidus: Yes...
Yuna: Then...I'll wait.
*Tidus looks at her, surprised.*
Tidus: But...
*yuna just smiled*
Yuna: I'll wait for you to come back. It's a promise?
*A certain expression of sadness, yet relieved look, came over Tidus's face*
Tidus: Yea. It's a promise.
*They both smiled and hooked their last fingers together*
*Then Cloud appears on a motorcycle*
Cloud: Hey Tidus. It's time.
*Tidus gave Cloud a nod and hop onto the motorcycle. Cloud gave a reassuring look at Yuna as she stood there, waving her hand to bid them goodbye. Then they sped off.*
*Tifa appeared from behind Yuna and pat her back as she continued waving. Yuna has already started crying*
*Holding a chain necklace which Tidus had given her, she prayed*
Yuna: Please come back safe and sound. I know you would...
*Tifa looked at her sadly*
Yuna: I love you.
*Then the windy breeze blew their hair and Yuna's tears scattered into the sky like pearls*
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Then i woke up lol. Weird huh? Don't ask me why Cloud and Tifa are there...They just are. O.O" OMG. Why izzit Tifa? IT SHOULD BE AERITH! ARGH. Oh...and i dunno what is Tidus and Cloud going to do...but it seems dangerous and both Yuna and Tifa were very worried. Yay! Cuz Yuna and Tidus are more lovely dovey than ever!
Alright...i wanna go visit other bloggies. See ya~ Plus...i maybe wanna change my song...And find more Sasuke's pictures! YAY!!
Monday, July 10, 2006
I'm soooo tired...
Haix. x.x kinda stressed now.
A lot of work to be done...I'm practically scurrying around and tripping over stuff. (as in literally.) Then...just now during piano...i cried. Not as in loudly or anything...but i dunno why...the tears just kept coming. My piano teacher asked me if something happened at school today. I replied "no." Then she asked...
"Then why are you crying?"
I got a shock. I quickly denied it by saying "Cry? I wasn't crying...just tired." I wiped my tears and continued playing my piano. I just smiled. In the end, when i came down from my lesson, all my mum had to say was that "You played lousy today." Alright...so i admit i was feeling all crappy all the way and my piano skills are getting worse nowadays.
But i dunno why. I just smiled. It was as if the piano has this nice and calming effect on me. Everytime i was sad, I just start to play the piano and it takes my soul away. I love the music of the piano...even if i am not really musically inclined. (except for the fact that I learn musical stuffs VERY fast.) I love to sing. (yes. but i can't sing.)
Oh yea...today at school. It ish Hwee Tian's B'dae. I was kinda embarassed. Didn't really know. Cuz i never asked her about her b'dae i think...and she never really talked about it. Anyways...she received lots of presents...was kinda happy for her and such. Then at recess...her netball friends stood outside our class and sang "happy b'dae song" OUT LOUD. It was amazing.
Then a thought came to mind. "Nobody in this school would ever give you birthday presents. Nobody would ever sing that song for you as well." It was like an arrow struck my heart. Yes...it's true. Nobody would do that for me anymore. Nobody would care.
Should i cry now? Maybe not...i'm still feeling all glowy and fluffy from the piano lesson.
Anyways...i was rather gloomy. Also cuz i couldn't speak to Hwee Tian due to her being in a cold and weird mood. Maybe she doesn't notice it...but she wasn't exactly the best person to talk to today...She's still my best friend though. Just that i was really trying very hard to get a response from her...but received none.
Geelyn hated our school. I always wondered why since the start of this year. (cuz i hated our school last year.) Then i realised. People always say that Geelyn this...Geelyn that... I mean...give the poor girl a break. In fact...she might seem strong on the outside, but she's probably the one who needs the most protection from all these crazy ppl.
Small things really matter. Especially when they come from the heart.
That's why...when i didn't really receive a valentine's day gift this year and the last, I was rather...um...whacked-off-my-chair. Yea...something liddat... Like...knocked hard and stuff. I didn't really expect presents...but for god's sake...some girls are practically flinging their presents in front of me. You can't expect to smile and say "Hey. Nice flinging and presents."
Damn them all. Damn those ppl in my school who i don't know. Damn those girls.
Oh my. I seem to have gotten kinda bad in the last sentence. Shhh....shall not say anything anymore. But i still love those ppl who shown care and concern towards me in some ways. I love all my blog readers. In fact...you must be quite close to me if you're even here in the first place.
I swear i must REMEMBER every single one of my friends' b'daes. YESH. AND I MEAN IT. (even though i have an unusually small capacity of brain storage for birthday dates.) Then...i'll say happy b'dae to every single one of them. The year which i manage to do that...is the year i can finally proudly say, "YESH. I LUV YOU ALL MY FRIENDS. Thanks for being there for me since like....ETERNITY."
Honestly, I'm starting to suspect that i act crazy and sadistic-cum-evil just because i wanted to hide my soft and easily-squished side of myself. I cry because i can't take it. I smile because i've either gone mad or become more stable for the meantime.
Esther seems pissed with me skipping choir and yet still forcing my way into the musical. Oh, hohoho. I guess i must say i'm rather guilty. But I AM going for the musical...and I AM gonna contribute FULLY to choir next year. Bless your soul, esther. She's supposingly a nice person now...but sometimes she still shows some signs of instability.
I'm glad i didn't tell my class this blog. So glad.
Oh yea. I've decided to get to triple science next year...to keep my options open. Plus...i might wanna try getting into higher mother tongue. Imagine....no more chinese FOR THE REST OF YOUR SAD LIFE. That's good. That's amazing as well.
Remember: One who can't love other people more than themselves, cannot find true happiness.
Which is rather true. Cuz i'm selfish and the only people i love more than myself are my parents. My relatives and friends come real close. But not close enough to be considered more loved than myself. This is probably the sickening reason to why i still cannot find true happiness up till now. Cuz i care too much about myself and don't spare a thought for others.
Oh god...I'm a spoilt little selfish brat.
Haha...O.O since when did this become a scolding session aimed at myself? I'm crazy and i should log off.
Lalalalala~
*starts singing and walking off to do her homework*
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Oh. Hell. o.o
Alright...i think i'm going weird now. It's soo....uh...funny...
Well...firstly, today's a pretty normal day....
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*Inside my mind*
Freya: No. Hell she's lying.
Sakura: Freya! ><
Freya:.....why don't you ask her? She's pratically jumping about inside.
Sakura: Yes i know...but you...can't blame her for that.
Freya: Wadever.
Shang: O.O" Freya...you've been cranky lately haven't you?
Freya: Great. Team up with Sakura will you? I'm going to sleep.
Sakura: *sighs* Freya...
Shang: It's okay...she'll be fine tomorrow.
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Actually...we were talking about my cousins who came over. Well...As usual...I found them funny lol. But what's so special about today...is that my distant couz came over too. (you know...My cousin's cousin.) I was like...shocked. Damn....he was quite good looking. Alright...i admit. He puts regular guys to shame. =X It was really so shocking. Cuz the last time i saw him...he was probably sec 1 or sumthing...(now he's sec 4 or so i've heard) He was skinny then...wif no broad shoulders. But he had the potential then...i can't deny.
Then he came over today.
I had a heart attack. Geez. He's grown so much taller...plus his voice broke. Not only that...he had broad shoulders and he wasn't that bamboo-like anymore. I didn't dare to stare at him straight in the eyes...neither did he realli stare straight at me cuz he was already very embarrassed about coming over...cuz he was a distant couz. But honestly...he IS kinda...good looking. Damn...that's some good genes they have there...the guys on their side of the family are quite gd looking most of the time.
Maybe i'll now crap about why must i have such good looking cousins lol...But then again...if they aren't my cousins...i wouldn't have met them. (yesh. And i wouldn't have gotten the privilege to actually talk and play wif them) So...i guess i can't complain. My mum made me blush so hard just now...she gave me that kind of look...then she said that he was very "shuai". She's one weird mum...that person. Hahaha....Then...i think she was hinting something lol. But i only said..."can lar..." What do you expect me to say? "YESH. HE'S SOOO DAMN SHUAI." izzit?
Doesn't matter anyways. We're distant cousins. (besides....look at me. I'm like...not really pretty lol.) Hey hey...i'm not getting any ideas...but yea. I think if my bf is that gd looking next time, I'll have to guard him from the girls lol. They would MOB him. Hm...now that i think about it...he's from my cousin's mother side of the family...which means...(since i'm from his father's side of the family...) we don't really have any blood connections.
HOLY CRAP. *slaps self* STOP IT. I'M BEING STUPID.
Man....I hate myself when i go all soft and fluffy bout some guys. It's purely disgusting. BUT. You ppl really have to see him to believe it lol...
Alright. Enough crapping bout my cousins. I shall....go do something else instead of blogging now.
See ya~
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
We'll all change...eventually.
Once again...i'm sitting in the com lab. Typing away like i'm mad. Oh yea...I changed the blog's song yesterday too. Nice? Haha...
Hm...I had this weird dream last night again. Something was bothering me...I know it. Just...can't seem to recall what it is.
Well...wasn't in the mood to comfort anybody yesterday. Therefore, I simply threw someone straight into hell because i couldn't be bothered.
Something is really wrong.I dunno what...but today i get this feeling that someone out there is gonna suffer something really bad. Maybe even die. I'm kinda scared. (for the first time, my sadistic thoughts engulfed me? o.o) But yea...I hope nothing really happens.
Freya had been really active nowadays. I wonder if Sakura went with Kail on a honeymoon or sumthing. Cuz It's really bugging me lol. I'll really become a bad girl if i stick with Freya for too long. But then again...Freya isn't all bad. She's just...hard to control. As in, not really easy to tame. Therefore, I've been a not-so-nice girl lately. Not cute...not pretty...(heck. I'm already not pretty in the first place.) Speak my mind a lot...which isn't very good.
Man...Is Freya really the real me?
Don't tell me that i've been living in a illusion of sakura for so long. Nah...can't be true. I believe that she's there. I know she's there. Sakura is me...and my everything. Without her, I think i'll just be like an empty shell. Devoid of all that i've treasured...I'll just die spiritually.
Hm...i wanted to write a story...but because i was feeling kind of down, i didn't have the inspiration.
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I think i'm vile and ugly in the inside. Seriously...I am. I actually get jealous of others easily. I hate other girls because I find their existence disturbing and irritating. I feel so disgusted at myself. I wanted to be protected because others were protected and i was not. I HATED the world for being safe while i'm suffering some kind of stupid emotional turmoil.
I didn't want to be left alone all in the dark.
That's why i hated that person. It was that person who threw me down there. It was so dark...It was so scary. I screamed for someone but nobody came. I climbed as hard as i could but i keep slipping down and away. I wished that those who can see the light would suffer the same fate as me. I wished that they would DIE. I wanted them to know...How painful it was to be thrown like rubbish or trash into somewhere which is so dark.
Hatred. Anger. Despair.
What makes a fallen angel? Possibly those things. The other angels betrayed her...and she felt every single emotion which angels aren't supposed to feel. However, she slowly starts to hide her gray wings and makes it white. She smiles and hides her emotions.
Yes. Yes. The Perfect Angel.
But after some time, she realised what she wanted was not revenge. It was...acceptance, love...everything which she had lost when she fell into that hell hole. She cried...and prayed hard every night that someone would give her back all that she had lost. When they do, she would transform back into a white winged angel.
Till now...she waits...and waits.
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Sorry...went a bit crazy. Geez. Alright...shall stop blogging for now...See you guys later.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
I'm not going back to what you want me to be.
Hey ppl~ Now at school...having IT lesson... I've finished fast~ Oh yea...
So now i shall blog.
Wish ppl would stop staring. O.O Maybe they bu shuang that i finished earlier than them. X.X Oh no...
Haha....yesterday chat with my mum...was kinda happy. Then there was this part where she said that I looked very mature for my age. Therefore, some guys might seem kiddy or small next to me. Really? I dunno lol...then i asked her which age must the guy be, to be suitable for me. She said "about 2 to 3 years older than you". I laughed. It was so amusing. So I must check out the seniors now izzit? How scary... Anyways also dun wanna think about such stuffs.
Someone was sad yesterday. Was it the same pain that i felt? Hope that they're okay.
Later i wan to get some food~ But then....maybe will become fat leh. O.O THE HORROR.
Today was an ULTRA BORING day. At least so far...First mother tongue, then science...then IT (webbie page making) Later we'll have Civics and Moral EDUCATION. Wow. And it's taught by a rather naggy teacher. Darn it. I think i'll die die die.
Okies. Randomness again.
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(Edited: The whole thing was deleted due to some content which shldn't be seen. xD)
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O.O wow....insane hypnotic typing again. Damn cool lol.
Alright...i better go. Lesson is ending. Baibai~
That is who i am.
After the whole "i can't forget episode", I'm quite okay now. I dunno why...Maybe if they're happy then i am too...Like they said...even if you aren't with someone you treasure, you'll still want them to find happiness. That's goes the same too wif my friends. I can't forget you all and always will love you no matter wad. I'll always remember the happy things you guys have shown me and how you made my life extraordinary.
Of course, all these refer to that person too. Please find your own happiness and forget about the sad things that happened. Maybe i hurt you without knowning it...but I'm sure that i didn't mean it. Sorry for everything. Sorry for being childish. Haha...but that person won't read this...i know. And i don't ever have the courage to speak to that person again. So...I guess it's goodbye.
"Heck. I alrdy said gdbye last time alrdy." That's what i'm thinking lol. But yea...it's true.
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How many times have we cried over this?
Those hurtful things which you said pierced through me like a knife.
Feelings which can't be heard or felt...
I've tried so hard to make you understand...
I gave you all my love. I didn't let go.
Yet all i received in the end was rejection.
You couldn't understand. You didn't know.
No matter how much i cried for you not to leave...
All i got back was an empty stare. Devoid of all feelings.
I wish you would hold my hand once more...
I wish you would say you like me once more...
I wish...I wish...
So many things left unsaid. Yet i can never talk to you ever again.
How i missed your voice. How i missed your smile.
It's driving me crazy and I can't take much more.
Then suddenly someone comes. He smiles at me and gently starts picking up the pieces.
Slowly...more people came. They smiled and laughed.
"To be brave." one said.
"To be strong." went another.
"Don't cry anymore." He told me. Rubbing away my tears...I looked forward.
There they are. Everybody. Those who treasured and loved me.
Those who are still there for me...They have been waiting.
A tear slide down my cheek.
I ran over...with tears now flowing like a stream. I held onto them.
Slowly, I felt my pain disappear as the tears faded away.
I know i'll be safe. Even if you don't need me.
Because...everybody else is here for me. I'll never forget them.
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Woah. Wad was that? o.o
Anyways...was in some sort of hypnotic trance and i just kept typing. Omg omg omg. How scary. Hahaha....So crappy.
I'm doing my science and chinese now. Work work work~
Listening to 1000 words now. Sooo nice...the song. I wonder...how did Lenne and Shuyin manage to survive 1000 years of separation. It's so painful for them. Maybe that's why he went berserk. Cuz Shuyin loved Lenne too much. He couldn't deal with the fact that she was killed and that he couldn't save her. Not only that...he was killed too. That's why he could not take revenge for Lenne. I should sing this song to someone one day. Muahaha. Fear my voice!
Oh yea...I finally sorta got over the whole "my cousins are freakingly perfect people" kind of thing. Well...I'll just have to be better than them! I MUST DO IT. Yesh yesh yesh.
I'm still waiting for my prince to take me away on that white horse of his. lol....still living in a childhood "princess" thing.
Also...I must be more conscious of my looks and dressing. x.x I've realised that i'm really not into such stuff and it's almost time that i get some training... Personality wise however...I think i'll just need to be more outspoken in real life...cuz during online games i can always make friends easily lol.....so it's not an inner personality problem kind of thing.
Kayz...i better go do my work. ^-^ Must be gd girl lol...
See ya guys then. Love you all~ Forever and ever.
