Well......I have decided on a few things. Mainly about my story. I think it lacks a plot. So........I'm gonna rewrite the whole thing. =D
Recently, I realised I've been treating some ppl badly. I'm really sorry. Maybe becuz I recently lost the ability to control my emotions. I said I would treasure ppl. I said I would change. But my body seems to be resisting everything. It just wants to poison my mind. It wants to just KILL everybody. It's easier to be rude than polite. Easier to be evil than nice. Easier to hate than to love. But......why? Humans choose to be polite, nice and to love someone in stead of doing the opposite.....why? It's not...right is it?
Maybe I'm just not made to interact with other people. Maybe I was made to be alone. To show other ppl.....that I don't need anybody. I don't need this world.
Now I think about it and say "That is crap and you know it. Humans are made to socialise. We can't survive alone." But.....what do I really think? My brother was insulting me in the car just now. And he casually said that my heart was dark....he said that it was like a black hole, sucking up everything that tried to come near. No one would ever break my heart because they would be sucked in before they could do so.
My heart leap in fright. Why? Is it because this IS the real me? I'm scared.
Maybe that's why...I always wanted someone to be beside me. So that I won't be scared. So that....I won't cry anymore. So that I'll be safe. I wanted someone to hold my hands and look into my eyes and tell me everything was gonna be okay. But the world is a cruel place. I don't think i'll ever meet anybody like that. Everybody is just out to hurt me. Everybody is selfish. Nobody will come. Nobody........will come.
No human is perfect. You will never find anybody with no problems at all.
Actually, I've always wanted to thank ning. I don't know why. But last time, for a moment....I thought that she seemed in the same situation as me. I learnt lots from her. I kinda understand alot too.
I've realised something. That night when I couldn't sleep, I thought about lots of things. Like....how I can improve myself and stuff... I started to realise that Sakura...she's also just an image which I created. I know it sounds silly...but she's more than an image to me now. She's becoming more and more like my other side. To say the truth, I really like her a lot. (as in...uh...not that kind of boy-girl way...not lesbian way too.) When finally one day I fall into despair and seem like I lost my soul, It would mean that Sakura was no longer there. One day when I turn completely bad, it means that Sakura was no longer there to teach me.
Maybe she's like my soul.
I don't know. Kinda confused and lost in my thoughts again. Sry sry sry.
Okay....I better stop for now. See ya~
Hm....I had lots of things to say. LOTS. Until now. I seem to lost all my words. It's really sad. I can't remember. Anyways......was just thinking about what happened if one day..I woke up and found myself in another world. Ever had the feeling u didn't belong? Like..this world isn't mine. and it was a huge huge huge mistake. The only thing that makes me confirm my world..is my parents and relatives (some of them). Imagine if I looked around, and realise that this was the world I was waiting for. I blinked my eyes and took a step forward.
This is where all the adventure starts.
I meet new friends, new people....and learn so much more. I really really love this world a lot. It's not perfect...but it's at least better than my previous world. Am I escaping from reality? Am I afraid? I don't know. Will I go back? Or just throw everything away?
How many of us....want to escape? want to get out of this place? Want it all to stop? Want it to go away? I always thought all those questions. I always thought that almost everyone deserves death. It's no wonder humanity is plaqued by "death". It's because they ALL deserve it. We have lost ourselves over the sands of time. We're not who we are now.
Sh-I mean...crap. Talked too much >< well...on to the story. I think I dun wanna do the fiance one...it's too early. _____________________________________________________________
Chapter 4: Don't let go of me please
"Heeyy!!!"
Sakura turned around. "huh?"
"Here silly! It's me, Kurei!" A silvered haired boy smiled and ruffled her hair. Sakura smiled while trying to grab his hand. She noticed that they were in a flower field. Then suddenly... everything vanished. "Wha-? How....?" The whole place turned red and bodies started appearing. It looked like blood. Sakura's eyes widened and she panicked, "How....what's going on? Why...?" Only one person other than her was left standing and it was...."Kurei." She looked at him unbelievably. His eyes were not silver anymore. Instead, it was black. His back also had black wings and he was holding something....that dripped blood.
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"NO!" Sakura yelled at she sat up and woke up in sweat. "A....dream? Or a nightmare to be exact..." She tried to compose herself and looked at the time. 6am. Hm...it won't hurt waking up early, she thought. But something bothered her. What was that dream about? Was it trying to tell her that she shouldn't accept Kurei? Like...something bad will happen if they got together.
She brushed her silky blue hair with a comb and changed her clothes. Walking out, she decided she would go to the river that she usually prayed and meditated at. Perhaps....perhaps it would make her feel better.
When she was nearing the place, she sensed a presense nearby the stream. She tensed, getting ready to elimate anybody who is foolish enough to attack her. She pushed away the vines that acted as a curtain to the opening. "Huh?" All that greeted her was Kurei lying on the riverbank, seemingly asleep. His right hand was soaked in the water, and he looked like he became one with the scenery. Sakura smiled and sat down beside him. He really looks like a child from this angle. There's only purity and calmness that surrounded him. Not like the raging anger and evil that she saw in her dream. She reached out her left hand and pushed aside a strand of hair on his face. Kurei awoke with a start and grabbed her hand. His eyes narrowed in irritation...until he realised it was Sakura. "Oh....hi!" he grinned, immensely happy that she had came to see him. Or so he thought. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to wake you up." She apologised. Kurei shook his head and said happily, "It's okay. I'm kinda happy you came anyways."
Sakura stared at him and thought deeply...he always seemed so happy. Since the previous incident of course. How is it possible?
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Sakura: Hey....
Kurei: Yeah? ^-^
Sakura: You...um....how is it that you remain so positive?
Kurei: Hm....it seems like something's bothering you.
Sakura: Wha- I mean...how..
*Kurei grinned sheepishly*
Kurei: Cuz you don't act like this usually...Anyways...about ur question...well...I can't be glum the whole day right? It's better to be happy anyways. Otherwise my face will hurt!
Sakura: Like...as in sore from frowning?
Kurei: *smiles* yeah!
*Sakura looked at him for a while in silence, then she burst into laughter*
Kurei: Uh....did I say anything wrong?
Sakura: No....it's....haha..it's..just that you seemed like you're trying so hard to be serious..and that expression on your face was kinda funny...hahaha...
Kurei: Awww.....stop laughing....><
*Kurei pinches Sakura's face*
Sakura: Owww..that hurts.
*Sakura yawns softly*
Kurei: Hm....you tired?
Sakura: yeah...I had a nightmare......
*Kurei uses both arms and hold her close to him*
Kurei: You can lean on me for a while if you want...
Sakura: Kou.....will...kill us...you know...
*sakura falls asleep*
*Kurei smiles and closes his eyes*
Kurei: Sweet dreams....my angel. I'll protect you no matter what.
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The moonlight shone on the both of them as they slept peacefully under the cherry blossom tree near the river. Kou was sitting and leaning against the tree, while Sakura was leaning against him with his arms around her. Maybe she'll find out what that dream meant one day, but for now, she didn't want to think about it. It just...felt really warm.
So this is what it feels like to be loved? Only happiness and the feeling of being safe no matter what....
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Chapter 4 end! Okay. I admit it was stupid. But I couldn't think of anything gd.....
forgive me! ><
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Chapter 3!
Kay...finally got my fingers typing the story of chap 3.... >< enjoy~
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Chapter 3: You don't know the real me.
"Sakura...how could you?" Kou whispered in shock.
Sakura immediately let go of her embrace with Kurei and turn to face Kou. "It's...not what you think it is!" she tried to explain. Why...why was she scared? Is it because she did not want to hurt Kou's feelings? But...she already did a long time ago. By not giving him her full love...she already hurt him.
By now, Kou was looking down. Sakura could not see his face, but even if she did, it was emotionless. He had never felt so hurt. Then..a drop of tear dropped onto the floor. Sakura was speechless. She never seen Kou cry before. He always seemed so strong, so confident...up till now. Without warning, Kou looked up and swung his blade at Kurei, stopping right at his neck.
"It's not right for you to do such immoral stuff to the high summoner. I'm challenging you to a duel. If you win, you may stay in this country. But If I win...then I have the choice of whether to dispose of you or let you return to where you came from." Kou spoke in a cold voice, his face was once more devoid of feelings. He only showed this side of him on the battlefield or when..he's ready to kill mercilessly.
Kurei thought for a while....and replied,"Okay. You're on."
"You two can't fight!" Sakura exclaimed. "I'm sure you two plan on fighting to the death! What if...what if one of you..dies?" Kurei put on his gears and said in unision with Kou...
"It's okay. I don't plan on losing or dying either."
Both of them walked out of the room, followed by a worried Sakura. What has she done this time? This was terrible....they're going to die!
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In the arena........
Kurei cracked his knuckles and then powered up all his dark magic. While Kou powered up his holy magic and tested his blade. Sakura watched from the side, hoping that they would not kill each other out of anger. Then....a whistle was heard.
Black wings emerged from Kurei's back and his eyes gave a possesed look. Flashing a smile, Kurei ran at lightning quick speed to Kou's side and then attempted to slash him with his twin daggers. Kou reacted fast enough and blocked the attack while swinging his blade at Kurei. Kurei did a somersault flip backwards and landed perfectly.
"Is this the best you can do?" he sneered. "No." A raged Kou replied. "Good. Cuz...."
Kurei combined the two long twin daggers together and threw it like a boomerang at Kou. The blades just narrowly missed his face but the wind had made a small cut on it. Kou gasped. This isn't good. This guy is better than he looks... The "boomerang" returned to Kurei and he grabbed it without being hit by the blades.
"you'll get cut into pieces if you just stand there..."
Kurei added simply as he licked the blood on the blade. "You don't taste nice. That's a shame.." Kou chanted softly and performed holy magic onto Kurei. "Ki. Ra. Se. Wa. Hiikito!" A pillar of light blasted onto Kurei. "Wha...What the?!" Kou smiled, "That's too bad."
Smoke and dust covered the area which have been blasted, and everybody was waiting nervously at the outcome. A roar was heard. Then a purple dragon emerged from the dust and engulfed Kou in its flames of hell. Kou tried to fight it off, but failed. Then finally collasped from being burnt for too long.
"Kou!" Sakura yelled. She ran forward to him and knelt down, checking if he's okay. At this moment, Kurei emerged. Only the weird thing was...his eyes had changed colour. It was now blood red in the center where it was silver last time.
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Sakura: Ku...Kurei...what happened to your eyes?
Kurei:........nothing. It's just what happens when you use a hell flame dragon.
*Kurei absorbed the dragon back and immediately his eyes turn back to silver*
Kurei: Seems like I won. *snickers*
*Kou looks up*
Kou: Hmph. Fine. You can remain here. But if I EVER catch you doing...such a disrespectful act to sakura again, I swear I'll kill you.
*Kurei smiles and hold out his right hand*
Kurei: Yeah.. yeah...wadever. I hear ya anyways. Come on..stand up already. You're just trying to gain pity from Sakura.
Kou: ..................I hate you.
Sakura: O.O"
Kurei: ^-^ I know.
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Chapter three done! hurrah! in the next chapter, sakura would meet Kurei's fiance! O.O *gasp* how would his fiance turn out to be? (does he even have a freakin fiance?!)
Thursday, November 10, 2005
OMGOMGOMGOMG
NING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I.NEED.YOU.TO.CONTACT.MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! hurry hurry hurry! I saw this ABSOLUTELY...*pauses* uh... FANTASTIC AND GREAT AND PERFECT...*continues rambling on* VIDEO! I wan show u guys! but I dunno how to put the video into the blog...>< then I remembered you put a video in urs last time! tell me plz! it's realli nice! about Tidus and Yuna! The video realli took my breath away leh! it was amazing! *continue rambling*
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okay..I saw this video today...and...it was about Tidus and Yuna. It showed a lot of scenes from FFX and FFX-2. and...it's realli...great. I loved it a lot u know.....It realli showed their love. and...at the last part I couldn't take it anymore..and I kinda cried. >< the song was from F.I.R. It's called "wo men de ai". It's absolutely great. seriously. you guys should...uh..see it. Argh. I can't describe it in words! It's far too good for words.
Well...here's the part I didn't say. When I watched the show, I felt something stirring inside of my heart. Probably the music touched me or sumthing....but the feeling was realli sad. Realli realli sad. It was like my soul was trying to remember sumthing. I felt kinda torn apart at that moment...I couldn't decide how I felt. I wish I could remember. I wish I knew. I wish..there WAS sumthing that happened a long time ago. This isn't me. Or...should I say that..I won't accept me this way. Maybe I read too much comics. Maybe I'm just being sensitive. Maybe I just wanted to be who I am not. Maybe I just wanted to be special and have all my dreams come true. But still......but still....I believe that life has much more than this in store for me. There's MUCH MUCH MORE. I realli believe so. When the time comes...I want to see for myself...what kind of events would I encounter.
When you close your eyes...what do u see? I see Sakura. She's standing there in goddess garments and smiling. Once, she told me that...because my world wasn't perfect...so it's beautiful. I didn't quite understand her then. But now I do. If my world was perfect...it WOULD be nice...but it would bring a lot of pain. Something will go wrong for sure. Sakura likes to smile...I asked her why...and she said that if she didn't smile..the world would suddenly seem dark to herself and others. And..that people will lose the courage to move on..so will she. How many of you know? How many know how painful she felt? How much pain...she has to feel everyday? Things she have lost...things she have found....people who eventually have to leave her.
Yesterday, I dreamt of sumone with Sakura. (yes. I ACTUALLY had such a dream. It realli shocked me.) She couldn't stop crying and the person was trying to comfort her. I can't remember much...but I remember a few sentences like.."Don't cry.", "Don't...go.", "It's like fate is making fun of us you know...." and......"I love you." I don't know why I had such a dream. I don't even know why am I telling u guys. U ppl would find it stupid. I'm sure of that. You always thought of everything as a joke. No wait. I take EVERYTHING back. I've lost control of my feelings now. totally lost control over it.
*bangs head on wall* WHY.AM.I.LIKE.THIS.
I hate myself when I get all emotional and stuff.
Okay...i'm back. Well.....nothing much to say now. imma change blogskin soon. and gonna write new chapter too...
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Chapter 2!
Chapter 2 ish here! Go ahead and knock urselves out reading ppl! =D
smiles, shang
PS: oh..and as promised..I shall write in 3rd person view. Ganbateh!!!
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Chapter 2: The person I have been searching for.
Sakura stared at the person curiously. The aura around him was very familiar....like someone whom she knew a long time ago. Leaning against the wall was a boy who was about the same age as her. He had silver hair and eyes. The way he dressed, proved that he was not a white winged angel. Black clothing covered him, but his sleeves were torn and tattered and so were his long dark pants. Something dripped from them. Something..that looked like...
"Blood!" Sakura gasped and ran forward.
The moment the boy saw her approaching him, he became hostile and growled. "Get away from me! or i'll kill you!" The injured individual made an attempt to stand up and confront her, but was bleeding too badly from his wounds and fell back against the wall for support. Sakura tried to help him up but her hands were slapped away. "I don't need someone like you to help me! I don't need anybody's pity!" He stated in an agitated tone and glared at the high summoner.
"He's here!" Someone shouted. Soon, the alley was filled with soldiers and they were all getting ready to blast the injured boy with powerful magic spells. "No!" Sakura protested. The soldiers moved back, stunned by the presence of the high summoner. "I shall be in charge of this person. So all of you stay away!" She stood in front of the silver haired boy in order to protect him. "But...my lady...he's a dark angel. Yet he still breeched the border line and came here. So he must be put to death! You can't..just take him like that!" A soldier implored. "I can and I will! How could you sentence someone to death so easily? Just because of his race? He didn't do anything, i'm sure of that. If you won't let me take him away, I'll get nasty!" Sakura readied a holy spell at them.
The silver haired boy's eyes softened. Why was she helping him? A stranger...to be exact, a dark angel. Before he could think any further, he blacked out.
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"Wake up...it's okay now."
The silver haired boy blinked his eyes. This voice..the one he has been hearing for so long. The one who would save him. How he longed to find the person and hold her tight, knowing that it's all over and that he would not be hurt further.
This time, the silver haired boy really opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. "Oh..good. You're awake now." A voice came from his side. He turned quickly in shock and came face to face with a smiling Sakura.
"Woah!" he exclaimed while blushing, and dropped off the bed.
"It's nice to see that you're okay. I was getting worried then. My name's Sakura, what's yours?" Sakura continued smiling and held out her left hand to help him up.
"I.....uh...." He stuttered. In the dark alley, it was hard to see her face...but now in the light, she looked really beautiful. "My name's....Kurei."
"oh....nice name." The high summoner asked him to hold out his hands so that she could bandage them. "It'll hurt a bit...but i'll try to lessen the pain." Sakura poured a liquid on his wounds and Kurei winced in pain. "I'm sorry!" Sakura gasped. In her panic, she kissed Kurei's wounds and said, "Here. The pain has gone right?" Kurei blushed.
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Kurei:..... ( I wish she would stop being so cute. >< I find it hard to resist. )
Sakura: huh? Something wrong?
Kurei: Uh...nothing.
Sakura: Oh....by the way, where are you from? and..what were you doing here?
Kurei: ..........
Sakura: It's okay if you don't wanna tell...
Kurei: Nah..its okay. *takes a deep breath* I'm the younger prince of the two dark winged angels princes. In short, i'm of royal blood. My mother sent me here today. She wanted me to get rid of the "powerful force" that the white winged angels possess. It's said to be able to wipe us all out in one blow. So we can't take any chances.
Sakura:....The force you're talking about...I think it's me.
Kurei: WHAT?!
Sakura: I'm a high summoner..I can do this ritual called "final summoning". It's a great force, and could be able to wipe out a lot of things. Like the bringer of life and death...that sort of thing.
Kurei: But...I..can't just kill you like that.
*Sakura smiles*
Sakura: You're a very kind person deep inside actually. Sometimes you don't need to hide that side from other people.
Kurei:.......(great. Probably I've fallen for her. GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF KUREI! ><)
Sakura: How are you gonna explain to your mother if you don't kill me?
Kurei: I'll just say I failed. It doesn't matter if she punishes me. I'm used to the pain anyways...besides, if I really die this time, then maybe i would be released from my pain. It'll be okay.
Sakura: No, It'll be not okay!
Kurei: Huh? Why not?
Sakura: Because I don't wanna see you die! Since you're my friend now, I won't let that happen!
Kurei: friend...huh...
*Kurei looks down sadly*
Kurei: I never had a friend all my life. Not even one...all I knew..was pain...and more pain. I was supposed to die. So that..my brother can ascend the throne easily and smoothly. I've been chained up all my life. I can't see the light anymore.
*A tear falls from Kurei's silver eyes*
Sakura: I....
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Silence befell them...then suddenly Sakura leaned forward and hugged him tightly. Kurei eyes widened at first, but slowly...he got used to the warmth and closed his eyes in content. Sakura didn't want to let go. He seemed very fragile and scared to her. All she wanted to do was to protect him. But...there's something more. Something inside of her that made her confused. Why was she acting this way? It's...not right. Is it?
The door was flung open and there stood Kou. His teal coloured eyes widened at the sight of the two of them.
"Sakura...how...could you?"
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WHEW! Chapter two is done! After so long......I better go! I might be in trouble!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Today is sakura's turn to blog
um....hi..i'm..sakura. As you may heard from shang..i'm pretty much her other side. Today, I'm going to let you see my world a little..kay? hope you all won't get offended..I'm very sorry.
Story mode!!!!!!!! (shang)
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Sakura: "I can hear something or someone. He's calling me."
??? : "Help...me."
Sakura: "What?"
??? : "Please hear my voice...and come save me from the darkness..."
Sakura: "How?"
??? : "Someone please hear my plea..."
Sakura: "hey! don't go!"
*scene flashes with white colours*
I opened my eyes to see the white ceiling that hung above me. I stared into space. Who...was that guy? He was hurt...and covered all in blood. He seemed...very lonely. I want to save him though...but how?
I sat up on the bed and looked at the time, still feeling a little dazed. That is, until I saw the time. "OMG! It's 11am already!" I rushed to brush my teeth and put on my ritual garments. I dashed out of the door quickly and ran across the white platforms surrounding my house. These actions, of course, attracted lots of stares from nearby people. After all, which days could you see a high summoner running around clumsily in her attempt to not be late?
Finally, I managed to get there in time. Hurrah! But.......Kou's approaching me..this. can't. be. good.
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Sakura: Uh...morning Kou! (i'm...sooo....dead.)
*Kou flashes a death glare*
Kou: You're late.
Sakura: um...almost?
Kou:..........
Sakura: O.O (eeek!)
Kou: Nvm..I supposed you made it on time.
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Kou kissed me on the cheek and left to finish my ritual preparation. After all, he IS my guardian and....my first love. We're kind of dating right now...*blushes* but..something's not right..I mean..he's great and stuff...and not to mention very handsome too..( you know...with his teal coloured hair and eyes... ) I'm really happy with him...but something's bothering me. Maybe we're not meant to be together? Is this what my feeling is telling me? I hope not...cuz I can't imagine hurting him.
At this moment, Kou turned around and smiled at me. I felt my heart taking a leap. He always manages to make me do that...dunno why...
"Come....now...I need your help. Save me."
I gasped. What...was that sound? It sounded.....sounded like....that guy in my dreams!
I turned around fantically and scanned the area. There! that dark alley! He's there! I can feel it! I proceeded to dash to the alley and peered around the corner...
It's..him.
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Done! Please turn in for the next installment, and see who has sakura finally met! It'll be nice..I promise! =D (shang)
