fallen angel........=The story of eternal love=

Thursday, June 29, 2006 I just can't let it go...I just can't forget.

Omgawd. I wanna kill myself. WHY WHY WHY. I can't seem to forget certain stuffs. The memories are too strong...It's wrong for me to remember. It hurts for me to remember. Everything is going spinny.....AHHHHHHH.

WHAT'S WRONG WIF ME?

I have to learn to let go. Like what my friend told me today... "Time heals all wounds". But it's soooo long le...and the wound still hurts. Even if i have already let go of the person, the memories that i have would haunt me. I'm so scared and fustrated. I'm always trying my best...but everything just can't seem to go away.

Okay...sudden inspiration. Short story time~
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(edited: sry. lost the inspiration after my mum yelled at me lol. Oh wellz.)
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Damn. My mum ish screaming at me. HATE IT WHEN SHE DOES THAT. Alright i better go. It's late.

# posted by FinalFantasyX at 7:38 AM

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 I'll nvr be able to be wif the ones i love.

Haix. I think i realli destroyed my blog with the yuna layout thingy. But i can't go and edit the html cuz my keyboard at home isn't working. Therefore...i used the school's com to type this. Kekekekeke.....

I've been thinking so much recently. It's giving me a headache. I keep thinking of the people i lost a long time ago. Yea...i know someone once said that we must always look at what we have left instead of what we have lost. But i can't ignore it. Cuz they are still like...practically dangling in front of me like a bait.

Like....yeowch.

Okay okay...i have to say at this point that confessions hurt. In my whole lifetime i only confessed to a guy that i liked him once. Which...i think was fairly stupid. Anyways...the story ends with me getting ditched for no particular reason. I was thinking...."What the...?" Therefore, I convinced myself that the guy was a loser. Argh. I will NEVER confess that i like a guy again. At least until i'm realli sure that he's the one and he likes me too. However, my story isn't THAT sad in a way that....at least another girl somewhere out there is happy. I wasn't ditched in vain. Muaha...haha. *sighs* i can't seem to laugh.

Then there was another few friends who i've lost throughout my lifetime. Even if i prayed till died, those ppl won't ever come back. Therefore i guess that i stopped praying.

But looking on a bright side, i've new guardians and friends beside me. For example, i made friends with my primary school friend's elder brother. The thing that brought us together was probably the love of writing. (FRIENDS. ppl. NOT THAT KIND OF THING.) Well...he's pretty cool. I have to say....he was hard to communicate to at first....cuz he was pretty defensive. Then he turned very nice. Well...not realli. But his attitude was much better. He keeps calling me "little girl" when our age gap is only two years. Darn him. I'm not small! *panics* I mean...i know i'm 158cm only...but that doesn't mean that i'm a small girl. Yea...we're kinda like brother and sister in a way already i guess. I sometimes wonder if i'm a bother to him. Hope not...

Then there's another online friend. Not telling you who. But his name ish damn cool. That's all i can say about him. Kekekekeke...

I think the whole class ish trying to find out my bloggie. MUAHAHAHA. They'll nvr know. Otherwise i'll be forced to kill every single one of them.

Alrighty. I'm supposed to blog about yesterday....and since i have time...plus my keyboard at home isn't working....I think i better type about it here.
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Yesterday:

Well....nothing much realli happened at school....cept that Hwee tian and i were very lame. We were both pretty tired and practically dragged ourselves home.

I've got TAKO! Yea~!

Then my mum dragged me out for shopping. We saw these ULTRA BEAUTIFUL earrings....but they were soooooo expensive! I mean.....$89 plus for one of the special designs....I was....holy.

Then we went to buy the swimming costume. You know what i got in the end? Something near to a bikini kind of thing. Soooooo embarrasssing! x.x but it WAS kinda nice.... Bottom garment ish like shorts...and the top...well....you'll know when you see it.

Must be one of those growing up things.

Oh yea...did i mention that my face was dying? I'm totally disfigured now. I have to rely on extremely expensive face cleanser and toner to actually look normal. That's so sad and pathetic.

Then we went to a japanese restaurant called "Shizo". I swear it's so cool. It's like...the door is made of wood and is locked. Then you have to press a bell which makes no sound but will light up. After a while, the waitress opens the door and asks for your reservation. You walk in and the whole place ish realli realli dim! Like...Holy....The food there was great...but kinda expensive. Then we chatted a bit....My mum told us a bit about her childhood and stuff....The service there is great. Everybody was sooooo polite! It was really amazing.

Then we went home and realised that the keyboard isn't working. Haix.
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That's all for now....shall be going onto the next post. (btw....my keyboard ish fixed le. I edited this post.)

# posted by FinalFantasyX at 7:41 PM

Wednesday, June 21, 2006 Please look at me. Just once.

The girl stared at the boy whom she caught with his girlfriend. It could not have been true. Yet it was really him. Hurting inside, she walked towards him and faked a smile.

"Hey."

But he didn't hear her. He continued to smile and talk to his girlfriend. Somehow desperate, the girl plucked up the courage to say "hey" once more. This time, as if a miracle, the boy and his girlfriend started to walk in her direction.

"Hey!" she tried to make it as loud as she could possibly do it at the moment. However, it was not very loud because somehow she could not find her voice. The boy took his eyes off his girlfriend and stared at the girl in front of him. Inside, she was shivering with anxiety and was feeling awkward. He looked stunned for a few seconds then he smiled and replied, "Hey." The girl winced. Not that smile please...she prayed hard. Somehow it made her feel all warm inside, yet it hurt her at the same time too. By then, the boy's girlfriend was looking a bit irritated and awkward at the same time.

Oh dear...i better make this short. The girl thought in her mind.

Trying her best to smile normally, she chatted with the boy for a moment. However, she was already bleeding inside. It hurt so much for her. She knew...that nothing would ever happen between them. There was a barrier. No matter how hard they tried, that barrier is too strong to be erased. Then she ended by saying, "Bye." She tried to leave. Half of her wanted to stay with him, but the other half wanted to end the pain. "Wait!" he called out. She froze. She did not think that she could take more.

When she turned back, the look he gave her melted her heart. It was like he was trying to tell her something but words could not describe it. Or was it her imagination?

"Um...nevermind. It's nothing." He smiled once again, but a sad one this time.

She walked away slowly and she knew he was watching her back as she left him. Yet...

The boy did not know that she was crying. He had just killed her heart.

The boy's girlfriend tugged at his sleeve, a sign that she wanted him to move. Then she started asking him about that girl... Meanwhile, the girl ran as fast as she could through the crowd. Her tears scattered like pearls onto the ground.

What was she hoping for? She was so silly. It's not like anybody would like her. Especially him.
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Lalalala~ Having the sudden inspiration~ Okies...have to finish my homework.

# posted by FinalFantasyX at 7:20 AM

Wednesday, June 14, 2006 Reality checks hurts...part 2.

Okay....back to the toilet thing. Remember? i'm still stuck in there.
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*more banging. Door still didn't budge.*

Me:............it's not working.

*suddenly a hand appeared at the open window*

Thinking it was my dad, i still continued to freak out and screamed...

Me: WHAT?!

Within seconds, the repairman jumped in through the small small window. I was like..."Holy. O.O How did he do that?"

*the repairman used the wrench to knock off the remaining part of the doorknob from the inside*

The door finally clicked open and i walked out of the toilet, embarrassed.

Me: Thanks. x.x
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Tada~ End of story.

During snorkling, those fishes wanted to eat me. I know it. Especially the big ones...they kept circling us and staring......

STARING. O.O

To end the holiday, the ferry we were taking to the mainland was soooo slow....and in the end it sorta...couldn't work well. Therefore, we had to transfer ship in the middle of the ocean. Man...talk about unlucky.

Oh...did i mention that i like kayaking? Kekekeke....it's so fun! Then there were waves~ Bobbing up, down, up, down...... I can get seasick from swimming around in a life vest. Can you believe it? Awww...man. I'm pathetic.
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Now my friends are over at my house for project~ Finally i can get things done! Hurrah Hurrah! Thing is...PingPing is the only one working now. x.x Cuz we've finished Literature and...left science for today. Geography is a killer...so i guess we aren't going to do it today.

I wan a new blogskin. I get bored of my blogskins easily. It's not a good thing. x.x Cuz it takes lots of time to find a new skin and set it up. Aih~ I realli shouldn't crap so much right now. But my mind isn't thinking...i'm just writing all that comes to my mind right now.

Oh yea...ppl from my class keep asking me for my blog url...should i tell them? A bit risky leh...but it's up to u guys to decide...so reply me ASAP! *nods*

I shall blog later.

# posted by FinalFantasyX at 12:28 AM

Monday, June 12, 2006 Reality checks hurt me.

AHHHHHHH~! *screams and runs around like mad* Too much work is not done! Oh my freaking god. I'm in mass panic mode now. Just got back from holiday and this is what i get?! You're kidding me.

Just read some of my friend's blogs. They have been doing their projects. Oh NOES!!!!!

Die. Die. Die.

Well....after that mass panic breakout thingy...i shall now talk about my holiday. We took about four days to malaysia's Redang Island. You know...sunny beaches, nice seaside bars, tons of fish that simply swims around you...

Speaking of which...the drive to the jetty in malaysia is HORRIBLE. I hate long driving. It's tiring and....tiring. Well..we got there anyways. Then, there was the boat ride we were supposed to take. Shake Shake Shake. Seasick Seasick Seasick. Sleep Sleep Sleep.

I got to admit. I was a bit guilty about some stuff when we got there. When you see beaches...the first thing is...surfing! Swimming! Hot guys! (Eh...did i just say that out loud? o.o) Pardon me. I meant..."unconsiously staring at ppl with good bodies". Not in a...disgusting peverted way. But in a "wow...she looks gd and i envy her" or "omg...he has a hot body and nice face" kind of way. We didn't get to see any though. Awwww...

Randomness: I think guys who surf are cool. But they must look gd as well.
More Randomness: And no. I'm not desperate. Just curious... ^-^

Oh...and on the first day there we went jungle trekking. When i said jungle trekking...you might think of a nice, cool forest with a path for you to walk. However, THAT jungle trekking...was dangerous, extremely hot (cuz of the sun) and filled with mosquitoes. I fell down once and almost slid down all the way from the top to the bottom. Scary. The mosquitoes there...are not your average singapore mosquitoes. They are like...GIGANTIC UBER HUGE SIZED MOSQUITOES! Like....holy! I got bitten like mad. Not to mention red ants which were at our feet. Owie. Halfway through...we even got followed by a monkey! It seemed pissed and was screeching at us all the way. Our "guide" warned us that the monkey would attack if agitated. Well. Not as if it wasn't agitated enough. We had spiders..and lots more. I was so tired throughout it all. x.x But i kept encouraging myself though...and somehow i manage to speed up.

The second day.....i got stuck in the toilet. Wait! Before you start laughing your head off, i better tell you what happened.

It all started when i woke up and went to brush my teeth and use the toilet. I locked the door and went about doing what i needed to do. Yet when i was going to open the door, I realised that I couldn't open it. It was jammed shut. Thus, it was time to go into mass panic.

Here's a bit of the conversation during this amazingly unfortunate event:

Me: Ma! I can't open the toilet door!
*Parents get alert and tries to open the door*
Mum: You sure the door is not locked now?
*I checked the door and realised that i had unlocked it few mins ago*
Me: Oh shyt. Not gd. *shouts* IT'S NOT LOCKED!

*few mins of dad trying to slam the door open*

Me: *starts to cry like a little girl* (yes. i did cry like a little girl.)
Me: Oh god...So freakin unlucky.
Mum: DON'T CRY! we'll get you out soon!
Me: HOW TO NOT CRY!? I DON'T HAVE MY GLASSES, EVERYTHING'S BLURRY, AND I'M STUCK IN HERE!
*my parents converse outside about getting my glasses*
Mum: Open the window next to the toilet! Do you think you can reach?
Me: *stares hard* Think so!

*stand stupidly on the cover of the toilet bowl and opens the small small window*

Mum: Okay...here's your spectacles! Can you see it?

*My specs magically appear at the window via a hand*

Me: Alright! *grabs it* Now i feel better at least...

*starts fumbling with the doorknob in hopes of getting it open*

Me: This isn't working. Oh god. Damn.
*more shouting and screaming about the doorknob between my dad and I*

Mum: I think i better call the technician ppl to come.
Me: YOU SHLD HAVE DONE THAT MINUTES AGO! *freaks out more*

*technician comes and tries to open it*

Techinician: Is there anybody in there?
Me: Well. If there wasn't we wouldn't be panicking right now. (i'm saying all these from the inside. So it's rather sarcastic)
*tech person slams the doorknob with a wrench*
Me: It's still not working.
Dad: STAY AWAY FROM THE DOOR. WE'RE GOING TO SLAM IT OPEN. (firefighter style! =D)
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Hm...i'll continue later. Too busy now. Kekekeke.

# posted by FinalFantasyX at 1:08 AM