Recently, i've been in a weird state.

My eyes always seem to be cold and lonely, even though there are people with me. My soul seem to be far away. It seemed to be anywhere except the place where I am now. Everything is numb and I'm afraid.

I just wanted to run.

Keep running...further and further away from this reality. I wanted to stop living the hell which I am going through now. Study. CCA. MEP. Study some more. Tuition. Piano.

It's driving me insane and this is only the first week.

Stop it. Stop disturbing me.

Now i understand, how lucky it is to be able to cry. This feeling I have...It numbs me so much that I can't even cry now. It hurts and yet i can't let it go.

*Beep*

A message had appeared on my handphone.

A friend which i smsed earlier had replied me. The amazing words "Are you okay?" was seen on the lit up screen. I think i'm going to go insane. I simply clutched the phone and broke down.

Crap. This is all crap.

Why must everything be like this? Why can't it all go away? I don't need to worry about studies. I don't need to care about the person who i don't even know is hurting me. I don't need to try my best to even look 'normal' with everybody.

Isn't that what a carefree life means?

*Beep* Another message appeared.

One look at the new message, sent me spiralling down into a deeper depth of darkness. Even though that friend was consoling me, I kept hurting. But the more i read, the more i cry. The more everything seems to be normal.

I feel so dead. I can even imagine myself lying on the cold stone ground. The light shining on my pale and tired face. I hear people calling out to me but i don't move.

Out of the sudden, a tear escapes my eye.

Can I rest? I'm so tired.

That's right. I'm going to rest.

I'm just going to close my eyes and shut out the world around me.

No more. I won't take any of this crap anymore.
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A song I made up...in my sorrowful state.

Eternal rest

Listening to the wind beating against the window...
I'm all alone in the room.
Nothing moves, nothing hides...
I've just been left alone.

Lying to myself, i say "It's okay. They'll be here soon."
Yet hours would pass...and nobody came.

Why did the world seem so dark?
Was it my fault?
Who can stop this pain...? The sorrow of the world.

I close my eyes.
I listen for the heartbeat of the cold city.
This is all I can do. Nothing else matters.

In my hand would be a single feather...
A memory of the people whom I once saw.
My tears...my joy...
Everything is gone.

Why did the world seem so dark?
Was it my fault?
Who can stop this pain...? The sorrow of the world.

As sadness pierces my heart once again,
I decide to ignore.
I wanted to be strong, yet everything crushed me.
It was all nothing but a memory.

Now, I lay on the floor. The cold taking over me.
Slowly, I shut my eyes.
I fell into a deep sleep...
and opened my hand to release the memory.

Why did the world seem so dark?
Was it my fault?
Who can stop this pain...? The sorrow of the world.

Slowly...
But surely...
I could feel the eternal rest descending upon me.

This time, the pain would go away.