Well......I have decided on a few things. Mainly about my story. I think it lacks a plot. So........I'm gonna rewrite the whole thing. =D

Recently, I realised I've been treating some ppl badly. I'm really sorry. Maybe becuz I recently lost the ability to control my emotions. I said I would treasure ppl. I said I would change. But my body seems to be resisting everything. It just wants to poison my mind. It wants to just KILL everybody. It's easier to be rude than polite. Easier to be evil than nice. Easier to hate than to love. But......why? Humans choose to be polite, nice and to love someone in stead of doing the opposite.....why? It's not...right is it?

Maybe I'm just not made to interact with other people. Maybe I was made to be alone. To show other ppl.....that I don't need anybody. I don't need this world.

Now I think about it and say "That is crap and you know it. Humans are made to socialise. We can't survive alone." But.....what do I really think? My brother was insulting me in the car just now. And he casually said that my heart was dark....he said that it was like a black hole, sucking up everything that tried to come near. No one would ever break my heart because they would be sucked in before they could do so.

My heart leap in fright. Why? Is it because this IS the real me? I'm scared.

Maybe that's why...I always wanted someone to be beside me. So that I won't be scared. So that....I won't cry anymore. So that I'll be safe. I wanted someone to hold my hands and look into my eyes and tell me everything was gonna be okay. But the world is a cruel place. I don't think i'll ever meet anybody like that. Everybody is just out to hurt me. Everybody is selfish. Nobody will come. Nobody........will come.

No human is perfect. You will never find anybody with no problems at all.

Actually, I've always wanted to thank ning. I don't know why. But last time, for a moment....I thought that she seemed in the same situation as me. I learnt lots from her. I kinda understand alot too.

I've realised something. That night when I couldn't sleep, I thought about lots of things. Like....how I can improve myself and stuff... I started to realise that Sakura...she's also just an image which I created. I know it sounds silly...but she's more than an image to me now. She's becoming more and more like my other side. To say the truth, I really like her a lot. (as in...uh...not that kind of boy-girl way...not lesbian way too.) When finally one day I fall into despair and seem like I lost my soul, It would mean that Sakura was no longer there. One day when I turn completely bad, it means that Sakura was no longer there to teach me.

Maybe she's like my soul.

I don't know. Kinda confused and lost in my thoughts again. Sry sry sry.

Okay....I better stop for now. See ya~