Haix. x.x kinda stressed now.

A lot of work to be done...I'm practically scurrying around and tripping over stuff. (as in literally.) Then...just now during piano...i cried. Not as in loudly or anything...but i dunno why...the tears just kept coming. My piano teacher asked me if something happened at school today. I replied "no." Then she asked...

"Then why are you crying?"

I got a shock. I quickly denied it by saying "Cry? I wasn't crying...just tired." I wiped my tears and continued playing my piano. I just smiled. In the end, when i came down from my lesson, all my mum had to say was that "You played lousy today." Alright...so i admit i was feeling all crappy all the way and my piano skills are getting worse nowadays.

But i dunno why. I just smiled. It was as if the piano has this nice and calming effect on me. Everytime i was sad, I just start to play the piano and it takes my soul away. I love the music of the piano...even if i am not really musically inclined. (except for the fact that I learn musical stuffs VERY fast.) I love to sing. (yes. but i can't sing.)

Oh yea...today at school. It ish Hwee Tian's B'dae. I was kinda embarassed. Didn't really know. Cuz i never asked her about her b'dae i think...and she never really talked about it. Anyways...she received lots of presents...was kinda happy for her and such. Then at recess...her netball friends stood outside our class and sang "happy b'dae song" OUT LOUD. It was amazing.

Then a thought came to mind. "Nobody in this school would ever give you birthday presents. Nobody would ever sing that song for you as well." It was like an arrow struck my heart. Yes...it's true. Nobody would do that for me anymore. Nobody would care.

Should i cry now? Maybe not...i'm still feeling all glowy and fluffy from the piano lesson.

Anyways...i was rather gloomy. Also cuz i couldn't speak to Hwee Tian due to her being in a cold and weird mood. Maybe she doesn't notice it...but she wasn't exactly the best person to talk to today...She's still my best friend though. Just that i was really trying very hard to get a response from her...but received none.

Geelyn hated our school. I always wondered why since the start of this year. (cuz i hated our school last year.) Then i realised. People always say that Geelyn this...Geelyn that... I mean...give the poor girl a break. In fact...she might seem strong on the outside, but she's probably the one who needs the most protection from all these crazy ppl.

Small things really matter. Especially when they come from the heart.

That's why...when i didn't really receive a valentine's day gift this year and the last, I was rather...um...whacked-off-my-chair. Yea...something liddat... Like...knocked hard and stuff. I didn't really expect presents...but for god's sake...some girls are practically flinging their presents in front of me. You can't expect to smile and say "Hey. Nice flinging and presents."

Damn them all. Damn those ppl in my school who i don't know. Damn those girls.

Oh my. I seem to have gotten kinda bad in the last sentence. Shhh....shall not say anything anymore. But i still love those ppl who shown care and concern towards me in some ways. I love all my blog readers. In fact...you must be quite close to me if you're even here in the first place.

I swear i must REMEMBER every single one of my friends' b'daes. YESH. AND I MEAN IT. (even though i have an unusually small capacity of brain storage for birthday dates.) Then...i'll say happy b'dae to every single one of them. The year which i manage to do that...is the year i can finally proudly say, "YESH. I LUV YOU ALL MY FRIENDS. Thanks for being there for me since like....ETERNITY."

Honestly, I'm starting to suspect that i act crazy and sadistic-cum-evil just because i wanted to hide my soft and easily-squished side of myself. I cry because i can't take it. I smile because i've either gone mad or become more stable for the meantime.

Esther seems pissed with me skipping choir and yet still forcing my way into the musical. Oh, hohoho. I guess i must say i'm rather guilty. But I AM going for the musical...and I AM gonna contribute FULLY to choir next year. Bless your soul, esther. She's supposingly a nice person now...but sometimes she still shows some signs of instability.

I'm glad i didn't tell my class this blog. So glad.

Oh yea. I've decided to get to triple science next year...to keep my options open. Plus...i might wanna try getting into higher mother tongue. Imagine....no more chinese FOR THE REST OF YOUR SAD LIFE. That's good. That's amazing as well.

Remember: One who can't love other people more than themselves, cannot find true happiness.

Which is rather true. Cuz i'm selfish and the only people i love more than myself are my parents. My relatives and friends come real close. But not close enough to be considered more loved than myself. This is probably the sickening reason to why i still cannot find true happiness up till now. Cuz i care too much about myself and don't spare a thought for others.

Oh god...I'm a spoilt little selfish brat.

Haha...O.O since when did this become a scolding session aimed at myself? I'm crazy and i should log off.

Lalalalala~
*starts singing and walking off to do her homework*