I had a weird dream last night. I don't know what to make of it...I realli don't.

Why was i so worked up for? Why was he angry? I didn't understand...

I don't want to see them. I don't want to remember. I remembered screaming. I remembered that he was angry. Why were you angry? Did i hurt you? Stop...everything's so confusing.

When i woke up, i wasn't crying. But something inside me felt like it was going to burst and die.

Did i really care about that person so much? I don't think so.

Then why did you have that dream?

How the heck should i know? It wasn't like i asked for it. It was so painful. So terrifying.

Whatever. I don't wanna bother anymore. My head will continue to hurt like this.
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Don't fall. Don't go.

Yea right. As if some other ppl listened. I keep trying to tell them to stay ALIVE.

But what's the use? Their hearts die in the end.

In the end...so do i. I simply just...fade away.

Don't cry. Stay strong.

Those were the magic words. We repeat it to ourselves over and over again. But you know? The magic never worked. We were just lying to ourselves.

It's okay to cry. It's okay to run away. It's okay to give up in your hopes and beliefs.

Why? Because they were never there to begin with.

I don't wanna be so sour and depressing. Yet my whole body is moving on its on. The things i type out...the feelings i have. Everything might be so real.

I always imagined that i could save people. I always thought that i could help. Even in the slightest way.

But you did...

In the end...it was as if i had to watch as they sink. Deeper and deeper into their own darkness.

Prince? Yea right. I only say so cuz i wanted someone to save me from the darkness inside of me. But now i feel...something's changed about myself. Maybe it's too late. Maybe i was a lie. I was actually put there to make myself look silly so that some other ppl can look at me and laugh about it.

When will you come?

Yes. That's what i keep repeating and wishing. Nobody came.

What do you wish for?

Wish...? Maybe....I just wanted for everything to be perfect again. I wanted my cousins back. I wanted my friends to go out and play basketball with me. We talk, we laugh, we cry. I wanted people to stop treating me like i'm just there to let them vent their anger on. I wanted people to stop leaving me.

Yet...No matter how much i begged. No matter how much I cried. Time takes away all.

So...go on. Leave with your gf. Leave with your new friends. Don't ever give me crappy excuses that you have a lot of work to do when you're actually trying to woo some girl out there. Stop giving me that kind of look. Stop telling me your new friends are crazy when you actually enjoy them more than the old ones. If you can't even spare some time to play with me...what kind of cousin exactly are you? If you can't even care about the person who is suffering...what kind of friend are you?

(Yes i know. The previous paragraph does not make any sense. I was aiming it randomly. Even at myself too.)

No matter what kind it is....I'm sick and tired of excuses.

Go on. Sink into your own darkness. I'll probably join you pretty soon.

I feel so bitter. I hate myself. I hate the world. I'm so self centered. But so is the world.

Enough...of it all.

I should have known. I should have guessed. Nobody is going to come and save me in the end. Will i die? I don't know. I feel that i'm the only one who can save myself from the darkness. Yet...

I still prayed. I still hoped. That...someday someone would hold my hand. That person would tell me it's going to be alright. That person would understand.

Maybe that person...

Would be...

me.