I can't stand it. Why must he always be so freakin selfish? LIKE GO GET A LIFE. Stop FREAKIN disturbing me!

"Shang, you play your piano le? Did you play 30mins?" YES I FREAKIN DID AND I'M PROUD OF IT.

BUT NO. HE JUST DOESN'T BELIEVE ME. Then he gets my mum in and she starts screaming all over the place.

I think i have an mental problem. SO DAMN SCARED OF MY MUM. EVERYTIME SHE ASKS ME, "Did you play your piano? Did you play 30mins?" I PANIC LIKE HELL INSIDE EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

I DIDN'T DO IT.....I DIDN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S NOT ALWAYS MY FAULT! Then i'm like so freakin scared inside.

DON'T SCREAM AT ME. DON'T SCREAM AT ME. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. I'm so scared.....so scared.....

and now she's pissed. Just because i freaked out again when she asked me that question.

You don't know what it feels like....to be screamed at so often.....

I know sometimes it's my fault...but other times she misunderstood and doesn't listen to my explainations. Then she yells her head off at me. I DID PLAY IT. I DID. I DIDN'T ANYTHING WRONG. I'M SO SCARED.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. IT'S SO SCARY.

And if i cry, she hates it even more...

All because of small stupid things like using the com and playing piano. And the MAIN CULPRIT is always my brother. ALWAYS.

"SHANG! YOU CHEATED RIGHT? I'M TELLING MUMMY!"

NO I DIDN'T.

"YOU LIAR. I DON'T CARE. I'M GOING TO TELL MUMMY."

NO I DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!

I SWEARED. I DID EVERYTHING. I WASN'T LYING.

STOP SCREAMING AT ME. STOP SCOLDING ME. I'm already trying to be the best daughter i can be. Every single time you look at me that way, i get so freakin scared and my mind blows off and crumbles like dust.

It's always about exams....it's always about computer....it's always about piano.....

WE QUARREL QUARREL QUARREL.

Why can't it stop?

WHY CAN'T IT GO AWAY? I'm already...trying so hard. I think i'm going to go insane like this. I can't stop crying. I can't stop shaking with fear. I can't stop retreating into my own world.

I can't do anything about it.

But i get....the "best" wasn't good enough for you.

I'm such a failure. I'm stupid. I'm lousy. I'm lazy. I'm EVERYTHING which the other girl's aren't. I'm not pretty. I'm not cute. I'm NOT who you wanted me to be.

I'm should just go and die. I hate myself. I don't wanna live in fear anymore. I don't wanna run away anymore. I've been running for so long. I'm so scared.

I can't escape anything.

I'm a failure as a human being. I'm useless.