Alrighty...i've reached the limit.

Keep getting scolded nowadays for "attitude problem". Am i really that bad?

On sunday, when we went to somewhere to climb the hill or something...the treetops walk thingy, we walked like....a damn long distance.....i wanted to die on the hill and never come back. Soooo tired.... Worse still, an old man said he would lead us to the main road...instead, he got us even more LOST. I couldn't believe it. Therefore, we had to walk a couple of extra distances.

Okay....that's where i got mad. I have to admit that my attitude was really bad. Then my mum scolded me. Okay. Sure. Fine. I admit i was really angry. Then i cool off and became much better. Yet, i was tired and didn't want to speak much. Plus i always have this habit of frowning.

When we reached a coffeeshop, (yes. we escaped from that place.) we were supposingly going to have lunch when my mum just purely blew up at me. I was so stunned. You know what she did? She threw (yes. threw.) some money onto the table in front of me and screamed at me to go buy my stuff myself. The way she looked at me was like...i dunno...that feeling still gives me the shivers...

She looked at me like i was just a stranger and she wanted me badly out of her sight.

Of course, being the typical emotional person i am, i almost cried. I replied, "Why are you so fierce towards me?" Like...she was really very "bu shuang" me in a way...She screamed that my attitude was very bad and some other rantings. I didn't think i could take much more and when she stopped, i told her i'm going to buy the drinks and i walked off. (I was pretty sure she needed time to cool off.)

Then i was very much upset for the rest of the journey back home. I mean...I didn't even do anything...I was simply tired and can you actually BLAME me for having a face which automatically frowns whenever i'm not smiling or something? YES. IT WAS TRUE. I admit that my attitude at first was really crappy. But later on, i was simply t.i.r.e.d.

I wasn't giving her attitude!

Sometimes, i feel that we don't understand each other enough. To make things worse, as i grow older, the gap seems to become bigger and wider. Why? Is it because that i'm no longer her little marionette which obeys her every command? Sure...I DO listen to her and do her bidding most of the time. But there are times when i have a different opinion to the matter...and as a parent, she was supposed to listen and judge. But ALSO like a parent, she would look at things from only one point of view.

This is the biggest reason why children and adults don't see eye-to-eye. The children are pure and innocent and think of the world in a certain way which adults can never see as the adults have been through all kind of "torment and training" to completely alter their thinking of the world. THEY were the ones who changed themselves due to all the competition and useless nonsensical stuff.

That's why they don't understand children sometimes...it's because they lost themselves to the darkness. They allowed the world to drastically change them that they have lost the purity and open-mindset which they once had.

I pity them. I pray for them. I bleed from their words.

Putting that aside, today was a crappy day. The Homec teacher scolded me for nothing. It was so...wrong. She thought that i looked sleepy and whatever, then she simply humiliated me in front of almost half the class. The word here is "Humiliated". It means that she downright stepped on me and crushed me like a bug. I admit (once again) that i WAS a little sleepy today. (please remember that it takes two hands to clap and NOTHING is ever one person's fault. In the beginning...that is.)

BUT! During homec, i was COMPLETELY alert. In fact, it was the lesson which i was the most alert in today.

Anyways...god knows how...she suddenly scolded me. Once again, the famous "attitude problem" words were spoken. When i tried explaining to her, she didn't listen and gave more scoldings. Great. So now that whole class thinks that i dozed off in Homec. What a lie.

You see...that's the thing about adults. They don't listen. Ironically, Mr Lim just mentioned to me recently that teachers and students need more communication. It's true. BUT do they ever listen? When the student tries to tell them something, they just shut their brain off or maybe go into hostile mood. Then subsequently, the student would refuse to even TRY to talk to them. Even I would view such conversations which end in scoldings, as pointless.

And THEY blame us for "attitude problem" when we walk away cuz we can't be bothered with such stupid things.

We're all human. We simply HATE being scolded.

I don't know. Somehow i just find adults very pitiful and sad. They have lost to the world and themselves in such a short period of time. I shudder to think that one day, i would be the same as them.

Maybe next time, i would need reminder from my children to keep me awake so that i would not be such a pathetic being.

Anyways....it's all my opinion about them. If they read all these, they would probably be scolding me right now. Sure, i'll listen.

Question is...would they even listen to us later?

I pray VERY hard that i don't become such a sad being. I pray hard for them as well.

So here i go. I'm going to close my eyes and sleep. I hope there's a nice dream tonight.